Karaoke Forums

Now THAT's what I call Selective Hearing!!!  

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[glow=violet] **Sing like nobody's listening...live like there's no tomorrow**[/glow]

The man hears:

blah, blah, blah, blah, C’MON,
blah, blah, blah, blah, YOU AND I
blah, blah, blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR,
blah, blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES,
blah, blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW!



So ?

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Northeast United States runner up for the "Singing Hall of Shame".

OK OK I admit it...I didn't see anything wrong with it either....hehehe

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[glow=violet] **Sing like nobody's listening...live like there's no tomorrow**[/glow]

More Men Jokes



How many men does it take to wallpaper a bathroom?
Three, if you slice them very thinly.
+ + + + + + + + + + +

How many men does it take to change a toilet paper roll?
We don't know, it's never happened
+ + + + + + + + + + +

Why do men get married?
So they don't have to hold their stomachs in anymore.
+ + + + + + + + + + +

How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.
+ + + + + + + + + + +

Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.
+ + + + + + + + + + +

What did God say after creating man?
"I must be able to do better than that."
+ + + + + + + + + + +

What did God say after she made Eve?
"Practice makes perfect."
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What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
They're married.
+ + + + + + + + + + +

Why do men buy electric lawn mowers?
So they can find their way back to the house.
+ + + + + + + + + + +

Why are married women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
+ + + + + + + + + + +

What do you call a man who has lost 95% of his brainpower?
A widower.
+ + + + + + + + + + +

Why did Moses wander the desert for 40 years?
He wouldn't ask for directions.

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[glow=violet] **Sing like nobody's listening...live like there's no tomorrow**[/glow]

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i just tested this out on my sweetie....

it works!  

Woooooohooooooooooooo Milo!!!!    :D

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[glow=violet] **Sing like nobody's listening...live like there's no tomorrow**[/glow]

Alot, but can't post them here, the web guru doesn't like them

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I can neither confirm nor deny ever having or knowing anything about nothing.... mrscott

[shadow=darkblue]That is very, very true!! My fiancee does it, (or doesn't)[/shadow]

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[blur]I gave you my heart..please handle with care*~Misti~*[/blur]

Why the heck do you have to have your clothes off to scrub the kitchen floor?
That's not how they do it around here anyway.  
Seems like you'd get your knees awfully dirty!

Who do you think you're fooling Odie?!?  LOL I'm not buying your little innocence act....no wayyyyyy  :no:  LMAO

Just kidding.... I'm sure you are a perfect angel

*snort* *giggle*

no really...hehehe

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[glow=violet] **Sing like nobody's listening...live like there's no tomorrow**[/glow]

Thought I would throw one more out before I go to bed so here it is:  

More True Facts About Men

Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.

If you buy your husband or boyfriend a video camera, for the first few weeks he has it, lock the door when you go to the bathroom. Most of my husband's early films ended with a scream and a flush.

Men are very confident people. My husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living room, and if they're really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him.

Men love watches with multiple functions. My husband has one that is a combination address book, telescope and piano.

Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax. Men don't get cellulite. God might just be a man.

Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door.

Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, "Are we going to have sex again?" He said, "Yes, but not with each other."

Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem. "Get out" and "I never want to see you again" might sound like a challenge. If you want to get rid of a man, I suggest saying, "I love you... I want to marry you... I want to have your children." Sometimes they leave skid marks.

Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit.

When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.

Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause - you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.

Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replays in sports. They've already forgotten what happened.

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Good night everyone!!!  :wave:  Sinna OUT!  

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[glow=violet] **Sing like nobody's listening...live like there's no tomorrow**[/glow]

When I was single I used to look for women with dirty knees.

I wear long skirts and pants a lot. It keeps him guessing.

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[glow=darkorchid]Musica delenit bestiam feram[/glow]

I only spit when I listen to Wagner.


I don't have to guess anymore.

Oil Changes

Oil Change instructions for Women:

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent:
Oil Change $ 20.00
Coffee 1.00
Total $ 21.00



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Oil Change instructions for Men:

1) Go to auto parts store and write a check for $50.00 for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree.
2) Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it
back to be recycled, dump in hole in back yard.
3) Open a beer and drink it
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8 ) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench; round off plug bolt edges while
removing.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: get hot oil on you in process.
12) Clean up mess.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Look for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up. Poke oil filter with screwdriver and hammer; twist off
filter with screwdriver.
16) Beer.
17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Finish oil change
tomorrow.
18 ) Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 15.
20) Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21) Walk to local bar or distributor; buy beer.
22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to
gasket surface.
23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26) Discover that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard,
along with drain plug
27) Drink beer
28 ) Uncover hole and sift for drain plug
29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor
30) Drink beer
31) Slip with wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
33) Begin cussing fit.
34) Throw wrench.
35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December
(1992) poster in the left boob & made a hole.
36) Beer.
37) Clean up hands and forehead, bandage as required to stop blood flow.
38 ) Beer.
39) Beer.
40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
41) Beer.
42) Lower car from jack stands.
43) Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.
44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step 23.
45) Beer.
46) Test drive car.
47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
48 ) Car gets impounded.
49) Make bail.
50) Get car from impound yard.

Money spent:
Parts $ 50.00
DUI $2,500.00
Impound fee $75.00
Bail $1,500.00
Beer $25.00
Total $4,150.00 -- But you know the job was done right!

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[glow=violet] **Sing like nobody's listening...live like there's no tomorrow**[/glow]

Well, god bless ya Gigi!  You're keeping the mystery going!!

Not breaking a nail, priceless.

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[glow=violet] **Sing like nobody's listening...live like there's no tomorrow**[/glow]

I can sympathize.  However, what good is owning technology unless you can put it to good use.  I have a digitial still camera, a digital video camera and a keen interest in boudoir photography.   All I need are models.  But no . . . . . .!




This is just plain wrong.  Young girls didn't like me when I was young.  What would make me think anything has changed as I've gotten older, heavier and grayer?  Besides, after separate maintenance and child support payments who has the money to buy a motorcycle?

Larry


[/quote]

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"Life is too short for diet soda and lite beer"

I had the same issues when I was young.