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ALWAYS WEAR YOUR UNDERWEAR

From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple who drove their car to Wal-Mart, only to have their car break down in the parking lot.

The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot. The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis.

Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into place.

She took a deep breath and stood up boldly to face the crowd. She looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband, who had been standing idly by.

The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead.

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around, looking for valuables;  and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying,

'Jesus is watching you.'

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.

 When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head and continued. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear  as a bell he heard,

'Jesus is watching you.'

  Freaked out, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice.

  Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

  Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.

  'Yep,' the parrot confessed, and then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you.'

   The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?'

 'Moses,' replied the bird

  'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a  bird Moses?'

  'The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.'