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A Question For Married KJ's, and KJ's involved in Relationships
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Author:  disorientedproductions [ Tue Jan 20, 2009 11:46 am ]
Post subject:  A Question For Married KJ's, and KJ's involved in Relationships
I started my karaoke business three years ago and so far it has been successful and a lot of fun! :) I met my fiance a year and a half ago at one of my venues. In the past two years he has evolved from a shy singer who was terrified to come up to a strong, talented singer who is very good at what he does. We fell in love about a year and a half ago and have been together ever since. In December of 2007 I asked him to be my partner in the business. So far it has been great!

So here is where my question comes in.... since we have formed our partnership with the business I have noticed he has issues of a couple of the guys that come up there. They act flirty towards me even though I very much shoot them down. :vomit: I don't blame my fiance for feeling this way. The same happens on the flip side when females advance towards him, though I have come to realize that you cannot control what others do and all you can do is correct them and put them in their place, which is how we both try to handle the situation. Other than our karaoke nights, we lead a very normal life... but sometimes it gets strange deeling with some of these misguided souls up in the bars.

So how do you other involved KJ's deal with situations such as this that arise in the bar scene? Do you have any ground rules with your partner? I just don't want things such as other people's disrespect to cause issues and misunderstandings. Any stories and and experiences are welcome!
Author:  diafel [ Tue Jan 20, 2009 12:02 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Question For Married KJ's, and KJ's involved in Relationships
My hubby is also a DJ and We both know what bar people can be like.
I trust him completely as he does me and we just tend to ignore the come-ons.
The best way I find is to ignore the situation and let him handle it if he's the one being hit on and vice versa.
Neither one of us bother to tell the comer-onner (LOL) that we are in a relationship because to me, that's not the issue.
In my mind it would be akin to saying"If I wasn't in a relationship, I would consider you". I want to be clear that I'm not interested and the way I deal with it is to generally ignore the hints. If it becomes blatant, then I just tell them straight off as nicely as I can that I'm not interested. Usually at some point the person will be told I'm taken by someone else, but never by me as I don't want to give the aforementioned wrong impression. Hubby generally handles it the same way.
Author:  Lonman [ Tue Jan 20, 2009 12:14 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Question For Married KJ's, and KJ's involved in Relationships
I met my wife through karaoke as well. She started hosting for the company I worked for before I branched off on my own and started working for me but we both knew part of the job is customer relation - which sometimes yes includes some innocent flirting with some. As long as it's not acted upon, then there is nothing wrong with it. It's not like we were taking the people home or hooking up with them.
Author:  knightshow [ Tue Jan 20, 2009 12:19 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Question For Married KJ's, and KJ's involved in Relationships
I've always been a happy, go lucky kinda person (yes, Brucefan, it IS true! LOL!). People are naturally attracted to those kind of upbeat personnas.

In the 14 years I've been involved in this business, I've had a couple of girlfriends, and now a wife. In all that time, I've not REALLY had any issues with gals coming onto me. It happens, but I act quite differently towards them when they do it. For instance, many of my regs were longtime friends, and there were hugs aplenty. Like friends.

But I didn't do that with the ones that started to be MORE than friendly.

I've also told my signifigant others EVERY time there's been any sort of line that's been crossed over. In addition to me doing MY job in assuring them I'm just their friend, there's ALSO the severe honesty. Yes you may get an explosion from your wife or hubby, but it's usually not directed towards YOU, but at the wandering ones! And most of the time they get over it.

It's just a part of bar life, and a KJ often gets that kind of reaction. In my early years, when I was single, I had a hard time figuring out when it was just the alcohol speaking, and the real person... Now, I can see it, smile and say "Nyaww, thanks, how flattering, but I'm with someone!" If they push it, then I get VERY distant.

The ones that irritate my wife are the ones that try to get all flirty with me to get a rise out of HER! Like they could turn my eyes or something.

My wife's always understood that eyepeepers DO work. You MAY see someone that can turn a head or two... it's all in HOW you do it, and how you treat your signifigant other in relationship to that.

My wife will often comment on other women, and HONESTLY, if I noticed, it didn't register. Usually, I'm busy running the show, and if I do see the head turner, it's a glance, shrug, and me back to what I'm doing.

I WILL admit that when you get your drop dead gorgeous woman coming into the place, I often don't have time to think about her myself. I'm usually in security mode. I'm often wondering how the drunk dudes are going to react, and I get worried about THAT!
Author:  Karen K [ Tue Jan 20, 2009 12:26 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Question For Married KJ's, and KJ's involved in Relationships
I was coincidentally talking to another female host last night about the issue of male singers 'hitting' on us. The fact that we have a game face we use for hosting, one that is certainly not the same face we wear in our private lives, is lost on a lot of people. As a host, you are like an actor or celebrity in a small sort of way to many people. The fact that we may go out of our way to greet someone (male or female) who appears to be by themselves, or obviously a newcomer, which is something I tend to do when I see a new face at my show, can easily be misconstrued. My husband, who is also a host as well as the lead singer in a band, is in even more of a position to be hit on. As we all recognize, there are probably far more female groupies around than there are mooning male karaoke singers. But I digress.

Practically speaking, out of mutual respect for each other, you have to have an agreement that your personal relationship is safe and sacrosanct (for lack of a better word), and that your job as a host may put you in a position of appearing to be open game for tipsy males/females who crave the company of an outgoing, friendly female/male, but that at the end of the night, who do you go home with?

I guess age is in my favor here. I do not worry the least about my partner's fidelity, nor he mine. I often chuckle that there are a lot of young men who seem to be attracted to older women - probably Freudian in some way, and frankly the attention is appreciated. My best weapon is a solid straight forearm between casanova and me, a quick chuckle, a lighthearded attempt at comedy, and turning them down without making them feel badly.

You'll get through this transition period, and when you do you'll probably enjoy a laugh over it. It's all in who you go home with at the end of the show.
Author:  timberlea [ Tue Jan 20, 2009 12:28 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Question For Married KJ's, and KJ's involved in Relationships
It's a matter of trust. It's either there or it isn't. You are in show business and in your area you and he are in the forefront. You will get fans, people who want to be flirty and unfortunately on very rare occasions, obessives. Imagine how the other halves of show biz types, especially actors and actresses, who have to do romantic scenes, must deal with that, in addition to the above.

My advice is to realize it for what it is and ignore it. Enjoy your life offstage. Have onstage/offstage personas if necessary.
Author:  Wiggly Dave [ Tue Jan 20, 2009 2:33 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Question For Married KJ's, and KJ's involved in Relationships
I'm ok...I'm young free & single...and YES I DO mingle........... 8) :wink:


(OK I made up the "Young" Part) :roll:
Author:  diafel [ Tue Jan 20, 2009 2:56 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Question For Married KJ's, and KJ's involved in Relationships
LOL @Wiggly Dave!
BTW this was a great question. It's interesting to hear how others deal with this type of thing. You can never know too much.
Author:  michaeljvaughn [ Tue Jan 20, 2009 3:14 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Question For Married KJ's, and KJ's involved in Relationships
Yeah, I see a lot of karaoke couples go through that. It certainly takes a lot of trust, because much of the dealings between KJs and regular singers verges on the flirtatious. When I was dating a KJ, I just realized that the flirtation was part of her job, so I didn't react to it. Besides, I knew I was number one on her list, and that the flirtatious thing was part of her personality - and one reason she was such a good KJ. It takes a lot of talking to oneself to understand this;-)
Author:  michaeljvaughn [ Tue Jan 20, 2009 3:17 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Question For Married KJ's, and KJ's involved in Relationships
BTW, dp - you're awfully good-looking. Maybe that's the problem. Anything you could do to "ugly yourself up" during work hours? ;-) And no, I am NOT flirting with you!
Author:  Marble [ Tue Jan 20, 2009 4:21 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Question For Married KJ's, and KJ's involved in Relationships
My partner and I never worry about what each other gets up to at work... We trust each other (and since i mainly work with drunks, he knows that if I was to run off with one of them. . . then it would be my loss and he would have made a good escape).

I met him online, and he was introduced to my manner with other men whilst working, very quickly. He understands that I see everyone "as potential beer money over bar" and without crossing any boundries we as a couple have set (or breaking any morals i as a person has set), i will do whatever it takes to get a customer to smile more, and hopefully spend more.

His first night working for me, came as a surprise to him though, when i sent him over to chat with some girls who had just walked in. He didn't know how to react to my casual attitude, especially when some of his former partners didn't trust him.

I think it all comes down to the famous song "save the last dance for me".

You can dance
Ev'ry dance with the guy
Who gives you the eye
Let him hold you tight
You can smile
Ev'ry smile for the man who held your hand
'Neath the pale moonlight
But don't forget who's taking you home
And in whose arms you're gonna be
So darlin', save the last dance for me, mmmm
Author:  diafel [ Tue Jan 20, 2009 4:26 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Question For Married KJ's, and KJ's involved in Relationships
Very well put, Marble. I couldn't have (and didn't) said it better.
Author:  supercharged [ Tue Jan 20, 2009 5:53 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Question For Married KJ's, and KJ's involved in Relationships
on our first "date" I was working sound for my friends band. it was his birthday show, so when the band went on 2nd break I handed her my camera and said "here Im going to go help host the wet t shirt contest , can you take as many pics as possible?"...weve never had any big issues with the flirting, I look but don't touch.
Author:  leopard lizard [ Tue Jan 20, 2009 8:35 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Question For Married KJ's, and KJ's involved in Relationships
Another part of this can come up if, say, the male half of the couple is a much better singer than the female. The sweet young things may want him to duet on "Summer Nights." In that case my philosophy is "Better them than me."
Author:  Nlouch [ Wed Jan 21, 2009 2:31 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Question For Married KJ's, and KJ's involved in Relationships
My fiancee understands that the attention I get is fleeting and shallow.

She used to have an issue with it - but I told her one night to just chill out and watch.

Girls come up, flirt, smile, hug, silly photo with me at the mixing desk, kiss on the cheek - all well and good, but within seconds they forget about me and move on to something else.

Hardly a threat.
Author:  disorientedproductions [ Wed Jan 21, 2009 6:33 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Question For Married KJ's, and KJ's involved in Relationships
michaeljvaughn @ Tue Jan 20, 2009 5:17 pm wrote:
BTW, dp - you're awfully good-looking. Maybe that's the problem. Anything you could do to "ugly yourself up" during work hours? ;-) And no, I am NOT flirting with you!


LOL!! Thanks hun! :)
Author:  disorientedproductions [ Wed Jan 21, 2009 6:54 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Question For Married KJ's, and KJ's involved in Relationships
I've really enjoyed hearing everyone's responses on this topic! Partnering up has been a transition that takes getting used to. The jealous moments have been happening less and less, and I think he is understanding that this is something that kind of comes with the job.

About four months ago my fiance ended up confronting someone who was drunk and overly huggy after I had sang. This is the point where the whole jealousy issue peaked. Just curious... have any of your significant others (or yourself) had a confrontation with someone who has been overly flirty? At what point do you think it is appropriate to handle someone in this manner?
Author:  johnny reverb [ Wed Jan 21, 2009 9:36 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Question For Married KJ's, and KJ's involved in Relationships
Since I'm an ugly MFer......that's never been a problem.... :angel:
Author:  jamkaraoke [ Wed Jan 21, 2009 12:19 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Question For Married KJ's, and KJ's involved in Relationships
At the start of your show and during the night do you introduce each other as an ITEM so to speak ? I mean does the crowd KNOW you two are TOGETHER ?

You maybe able to stop certain things before they even start with some well timed announcements !
Author:  Lonman [ Wed Jan 21, 2009 12:48 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Question For Married KJ's, and KJ's involved in Relationships
jamkaraoke @ Wed Jan 21, 2009 1:19 pm wrote:
At the start of your show and during the night do you introduce each other as an ITEM so to speak ? I mean does the crowd KNOW you two are TOGETHER ?


Sometimes that in itself is a backfire since some girls (guys) are pretty competitive & will try just out of thinking they are all that & will purposely do things!
Just do your job & go home after it's done.
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