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Mic distance for farting?
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Author:  johnny reverb [ Sat Jan 31, 2009 7:31 am ]
Post subject:  Mic distance for farting?
Since we're on mic distance, seriously, whether on stage, at home, in front of strangers, family or friends......tell me...who hasn't ripped a big ol' paint-peeling fart into a microphone just for laughs? Now what troubles me is, you just never know how loud it's gonna be.....if you're like me, it can range anywhere from the sound of the popping of one bubble on some bubble wrap, to what might be the equivalent of a small sonic boom, or maybe even the dreaded/very dissapointing, silent fart, which seldom gets a laugh. What would be a safe distance to hold the mic from the butt cheeks, and I say butt cheeks because lord knows....we wouldn't want to get any closer than that. When I say safe distance, I mean a distance that would preserve the integrity of the fart, as to no volume, texture, or force of the fart is compromised. Also, should you use any effects, or should you leave it dry, though I have recorded farts, and played them back at a slower speed with outstanding results. And last, but not least, what do you do, in the event......that you crap your pants trying to produce that ultimate flatulance....."The Big One"? Is there anyway to prepare for such a cataclismic event? ......your thoughts?.......thanks....jj
Author:  Lone Wolf [ Sat Jan 31, 2009 7:35 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Mic distance for farting?
Uhh remind me to dip your mike in Lysol before I sing at your gig or better yet I decline to sing at all.
Author:  JerryJames [ Sat Jan 31, 2009 8:03 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Mic distance for farting?
Johnny, your diet is another heavy influencer. If you're a grazer (or vegetarian as they preferred to be called) you're partly on your way. If you're older and are using (@$%&#!) assistance substances such as prune juice, you too have a good start. The real winners are your average North American men. Statistically Sunday is prime time nation wide for fart releases. Not only fart releases, but the cream of the crop, wake up the neighbors farts. Why is this? Have a look at the diet of a typical American male aged between 20 and 30 watching football on TV... Peanuts, chips, beer, can someone say, fart city? Its about evaluating your diet, removing the foods that don't assist farting, and focusing on the ones that do and that should give better control of the volume.

I hope this is helpful..... Jerry
Author:  JD [ Sat Jan 31, 2009 8:29 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Mic distance for farting?
I heard there was a mic sanitizer that uses something like a UV light that zaps the cooties. I don't know about nicotine residue though.
Author:  ggardein [ Sat Jan 31, 2009 9:02 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Mic distance for farting?
:lol: I thought I was the only one.......I'd say hold it at a distance you feel comfortable with, and let 'er rip. Just take a chance, and maybe add some echo or delay. As far as sh#tting yourself, one word, Depends...... :oops:
Author:  srnitynow [ Sat Jan 31, 2009 11:27 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Mic distance for farting?
Johnny, I think I've figured out the PREFECT solution, (if you're recording). First thing in the morning, when you wake up, and have to pi$$ like a racehorse, grab the mic, take it into the bathroom with you, grab (junior), hold him to the side, so he doesn't get into the action. Then stick the mic down into the toilet, and start pi$$ing, GUARANTEED, the farts will come, the toilet will handle the acoustics, you can move the mic around, so you don't accidentally sh*t on it. This way, you won't have to worry about adjusting echo, or anything else. The sound of the pee may even add a little background effects. What do you think?

Rosario
Author:  DannyG2006 [ Sat Jan 31, 2009 1:05 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Mic distance for farting?
I'm with Lonewolf on this one lol!
Author:  knightshow [ Sat Jan 31, 2009 1:59 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Mic distance for farting?
Johnny, there are times I worry about ya! LOL!
Author:  SCORPION [ Sat Jan 31, 2009 2:03 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Mic distance for farting?
Place your toothbrush between you and the mic, this should be the proooper distance for your application. :puke:
Author:  johnny reverb [ Sat Jan 31, 2009 4:09 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Mic distance for farting?
SCORPION @ Sat Jan 31, 2009 4:03 pm wrote:
Place your toothbrush between you and the mic, this should be the proooper distance for your application. :puke:


I was so excited when I read your answer, and couldn't wait to try it out. Just to be safe, I grabbed my wife's toothbrush, and actually raised up one leg, thus relieving any force, that would press my butt cheeks together. Unfortunately......I lost my balance, and now......you guessed it. :o ....the toothbrush has vanished into that place "where the sun never shines".... :cry: ...my SM58 survived with only a minor ding, but the screen managed to shave a one inch by twelve strip of hair off one cheek, and my wife has asked me three times, if I've seen her pink toothbrush. After eating a half dozen apples, I told her not to worry...... I'm sure it will show up by morning............ :wink: thanks, buddy......jj
Author:  SCORPION [ Sat Jan 31, 2009 4:41 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Mic distance for farting?
I'm sorry for the typo, it should have read (a toothbrush) not (your toothbrush.) Butt I see that you caught that. The only other exceptions would be a toothbrush that is kept in the same holder as yours and/or somebodys toothbrush that you will be kissing. :yum:
Author:  ripman8 [ Sat Jan 31, 2009 6:19 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Mic distance for farting?
OMG! My family is famous for this type of thing. Is this a non serious issue? The toothbrush comment brought tears to my eyes. Seriously bringing a mic to the toilet? Definitely a reason to use WIRELESS! Sad but I was eating Salvatore's pizza which is about as authentic Italian as you can get and I still finished it. So should the reverb be maxed out?
Author:  Jian [ Sat Jan 31, 2009 6:45 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Mic distance for farting?
For good original sound you need to shaft the mic up the a'hole. An sm58 works great for this kind of sound; it has good proximity effect..... if only you can get it up inside :D
Author:  JoeChartreuse [ Sat Jan 31, 2009 10:39 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Mic distance for farting?
SCORPION @ Sat Jan 31, 2009 5:03 pm wrote:
Place your toothbrush between you and the mic, this should be the proooper distance for your application. :puke:


Well, you win "Best Post In Thread", but you owe me a keyboard rubber. Nose sprayed Pepsi is not easy to clean...

Never mentioned, but of utmost importance- remove the windscreen, and remember that this special time is a "Sennheiser Moment". Clarity is king....
Author:  SCORPION [ Sun Feb 01, 2009 1:15 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Mic distance for farting?
Just got home from the gig (band) , it must have been my night for comedy.There was a table of women, out for the night and I had them crackin up.I didn't think I was that funny all I did was ask if one of them wanted to dance. :dontknow:

Butt back to the task at hand.Shafting the mic would give you more of a compressed or digital type recording.In this application I would try an sm57.It would reduce the chance of feedback and location restictions.

I'm more old school and prefer the anallog sound like, live at the fill-more. :banger:



Drive fast and eat cheese. :giveup:
Author:  Charmin_Gibson [ Sun Feb 01, 2009 2:30 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Mic distance for farting?
I wish your mama's could all read this. They'd drag you to the bathroom by your ears and wash your mouths out with soap;)

:no:
Author:  ScottyMo1 [ Sun Feb 01, 2009 6:32 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Mic distance for farting?
They would at least wash your hands for typing such things.
This thread ain't right, but it's funny as hell. :D
Author:  SCORPION [ Sun Feb 01, 2009 7:11 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Mic distance for farting?
I know I said I was done but I seen another topic in the technical question that might help.I didn't have time to read it but its listed (Squelch Tool.)

FYI-I was in a band in the early 90's called Squelch Tool, it was a arlo guthrie/john prine speed metal tibute band.Had alice's resraurant under 11 minutes but sam stone was always my favorite song.
Author:  knightshow [ Sun Feb 01, 2009 8:33 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Mic distance for farting?
Cueball should read this thread... we know a guy called Chaunch... he was famous for Shures inserted... had whole languages built on such occurances!
Author:  ripman8 [ Sun Feb 01, 2009 8:52 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Mic distance for farting?
SCORPION @ Sun Feb 01, 2009 9:11 am wrote:
I know I said I was done but I seen another topic in the technical question that might help.I didn't have time to read it but its listed (Squelch Tool.)

FYI-I was in a band in the early 90's called Squelch Tool, it was a arlo guthrie/john prine speed metal tibute band.Had alice's resraurant under 11 minutes but sam stone was always my favorite song.


AR under 11 min? That's blasphemy!
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