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My regular gig has a unique problem...I am curious how you would handle it.

Two weeks ago, at about 3am after the bar had closed and the staff was cleaning up, a car came careening around the corner, hit another, spun and ejected the driver directly into the bar parking lot, about 30 feet from the front door, where he died on impact. It was a terrible tragedy...he was not wearing a seatbelt.

Here is the problem. Almost immediately, the grieving family/friends erected one of those "roadside memorials" on shoulder of the road, directly in front of the bar, complete with candles, etc.

Now...this bar already has a stained reputation as several years (and owners) ago, a drunk employee created a terrible accident after leaving work. Soooo....even though this person had not been a patron of the bar, it looks like there has been another incident.

They want to respect the grieving family but need to tread lightly, as you would imagine. But...business was WAY down the following weekend.

What would you do? How long is long enough?

I think that I would erect a sign directly behind their roadside memorial stating that this accident was not a result of any patron visiting this establishment in large enough letters to be read from any car passing.

While I sympathize with the families of accident victims I am really getting tired of these roadside memorials. OK put them up for a week or so but then take them down don't keep refreshing the flowers and candles and such, if it keeps up the roadsides will be nothing but one continuous memorial.

The person is not buried in that spot so why the continuous memorial?
I really surprised the state allows them forever, first of all they are a distraction to drivers and if not maintained an eyesore.

I'll bet that if I erected a sign along the public roadway stating that my Karaoke business is dieing or had died that it would be taken down promptly.

Enough Already

L.W.

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Would think that 2-3 weeks would be long enough however if that would happen at one of my venues I would immediately suggest that the venue supply a small wreath with a sign. The sign would show condolences and would have a polite disclaimer that is wasnt a regular at our bar and we will support the greiving family and have a night for them with a finger food buffet. And also state that we supply rides home to our regs that have imbibed too much.

You missed out on a golden opportunity..

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Seriously - if the memorial is chasing away business - TAKE IT DOWN
or have the POLICE remove it --most of these are illegal anyways.
If its a BAD road or curve or intersection the family should protest for a WARNING SIGN so others don't have the same results -- tough situation

As the venue owner, I would first contact the family and respectfully ask them to remove it. If they didn't, I would then contact the city and have them remove it. If it's on the shoulder of the road, but not on the bar property, I believe that's how you would go about it. If it was on my property, after asking the family nicely for it to be removed, I would then go ahead and remove it.
Sorry about the issue. Sounds like a no win situation no matter what is done. Either your business drops or the family hates you and makes you feel like a schmuck. Having said that, I would vote for feeling like a schmuck and having food on the table.

In this part of the world we would probably know the greiving family. However if not their would be patrons that would be turned off by a bar owner that didnt honor or respect or give rights to the greiving.

After being in the meanest ports in the world thats why I returned home and I am glad I dont have to live in your big city with a dog eat dog way of life.

Yes even as a patron I would buy the greiving a drink or provide them with a covered dish SHEEESH!!

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This is a delicate situation. I would contact the family after a week or two if it is not already removed. Then I would offer to plant a tree or a small flower bed in rememberence of their passed loved one. I would not mention it was bad for business. I would just say, We feel for your loss and even though the accident had nothing to do with the bar we would like to do something more perminent for the family. You could bluff a little by saying the city will remove it soon.

There is always a compromise you can come to. If you had to state it is bad for business. You could allow them maybe to plant flowers instead, explaining it's bad for business to have a grave like memorial outside the bar. Hopefully they will be reasonable enough to understand you would like to still help them preserve their memory, but in a different way.

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I guess Im out of touch with the new ways. How many here would not go into your bar or Wallys or any other business that has a temporary memorial setup right outside or even in the establishment? It wouldnt affect business here in any way in fact it might help it.

Are you people that cold and greedy? Columbine had a temporary memorial and working on a permanent one. Death and memorials are real life. Quit trying to tell everybody else how to live and worry about your own weaknesses and deal with them without gov or cops help.

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Well...it's not my bar so it's not my place. I'm just the hired help.

A few of us were discussing this the other night and one worker said I wouldn't understand unless it happened to me. He had a point, so I let it drop.

Personally, I also don't understand the roadside memorial mentality. As tragic as it is, the man isn't buried there. It's the dirty roadside where he bled to death. Seems like a strange place to honor a loved one to me. As a kid my grandfather had a heart attack and died on the front steps of our house, but we didn't erect a memorial there.

In a small town everyone knows the local gossip. They know the person who passed away and the circumstances. In larger areas this just isn't true. If it appears as if someone was killed in the bar it would be bad for business.

I grew up in a small town of 2000 people and now live in a city suburb. I understand there can be a big difference.

25 yrs ago a man was stabbed and died in the bar I work in now. I still have people come in once in a while saying they've stayed away because they heard this was a rough biker bar. It may have been then, but is far from it now. Reputation has big play on if people will come in or not.

I think if people actually knew the truth of what has happened it wouldn't be a problem.

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That is exactly the problem here. Several years ago a drunk employee left the bar and had a head-on with a mini-van & family of five. The mom was killed, kids injured, lawsuits, etc. The drunk employee also died.

Needless to say even two owners and many employees later, people still talk about it. Many people still think it's the same owner & employees. A friend of my wife's knew her and has swore never to set foot in the establishment, even though I have assured her those owners/employee and even patrons are long gone (totally different crowd now).

So, you can see how this opens old wounds. It's a very tough situation for the management.

I see a lot of those memorial crosses and flowers here. Usually by intersections. I don't think I've ever seen one in front of a business or house.

The fense in front of the Oklahoma bombing site was littered with stuffed animals, flowers etc... It's just something people do.

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On a highway in Montana, there is a stretch of road that contains white crosses erected on the side of the road at the places that people died. No names are associated with them, however. It was started over 25 years ago as a reminder to drive safely. You can see the more dangerous sections of the road by counting the crosses. I had never seen or heard of this before then and it seems that now it's spread to include names, flowers, etc. I think that should be done away with. The white crosses are a good idea in some cases, however, because it brings home the reality of driving safe, AS YOU'RE DRIVING, but not sitting in front of operating businesses. That's just not appropriate IMO. The flowers, etc don't belong at the roadside. That's what graves are for.

Plant a tree. Or buy one of those marbel benches and put his name on it. Business is business and not fair to the business to lose potential customers. Needs to be a compromise as the family is still hurting no doubt.

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Out of curiosity for this topic, I Googled "roadside memorials policy" And scanned a few articles. For those who are interested in a number of varying views, as well as some legal insight from a few states, this may be a way to learn something of the subject. I did.

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How about posting the links to the relevant articles?
Cheers!

Years ago we were coming back home on leave. Going thru Arizona at 3 A in the morn and come up to a dangerous corner. In the headlights a bunch of little white crosses emerged. Half asleep I stopped and got some fresh air and woke up. It is an experience one doesnt forget. I cant see a whole funeral arrangement but a small vase in my opinion is appropriate esp if there are small children.

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I think that's where the problem comes in... huge monuments and tons of plastic flowers. Especially when not maintained, they become an eyesore. Even when they are, though, they can become a huge distraction. Little white crosses with no other adornment serve the purpose best, I think. It's an eye-opening reminder to slow down and be careful. Again, funerary adornments belong at the graveside, not on our highways.

Actually I dont believe in burials or memorials but I do respect and understand others needs to do so. I bury the ones I love in my heart. My memorial to them is to dedicate and sing a song to them and it is at those times when I can feel their prescence and love. They talk to me thru dreams and make trees talk. They are not gone but in a different phase. The important things are of the spirit and not physical things or stores.

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As someone who has gone through this...
http://www.wisn.com/news/3856144/detail.html
My son-in-law's brother was killed, as was another employee, execution style by a fired former employee. There was placed on the property a memorial of the type described by the OP. The store owner had placed on the corner a stone and plaque. Before that there was a collection of stuffed animals and candles. I like the stone memorial more than I like random accumulations of bric-a-brac. On roadsides they tend to be hazardous because people will slow down to look at the collection of teddy bears, candles, flowers and what have you. Even in my case, I find these impromptu displays tacky. Ranks right up there with tattooing your deceased loved one's picture on your arm or leg.