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So Just pretend for a second that you're a KJ...
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Author:  michaeldiapers [ Wed Nov 24, 2010 10:14 pm ]
Post subject:  So Just pretend for a second that you're a KJ...
You have more singers than you can fit in before last call, and some cute girl walks up saying it's her birthday and she wants to sing. The people you may have to bump off to get her in are either drunks that won't notice, or your friends that can't sing and will understand anyway.
So you put her in because it's good for business. She's now happy, she comes again next week, guys come to see the girls, guys buy said girls drinks, bar makes money, you make money, everybody's happy.
As you break down, she doesn't leave your side. Conversation continues until you realize that she's one of the Bartender's GF, upon which time you immediately disengage, because not only do you want to remain professional, but that bartender is your friend!
Fast forward to the next week. She's already there, and you can feel her eyes on you as you set up. Later during the show, she's requesting songs and pats you right on the (@$%&#!) deliberately two or three separate times.
You're outside taking a break when her boyfriend comes out. What do you do?
Author:  enzoab [ Wed Nov 24, 2010 10:18 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: So Just pretend for a second that you're a KJ...
michaeldiapers @ Wed Nov 24, 2010 10:14 pm wrote:
You have more singers than you can fit in before last call, and some cute girl walks up saying it's her birthday and she wants to sing. The people you may have to bump off to get her in are either drunks that won't notice, or your friends that can't sing and will understand anyway.
So you put her in because it's good for business. She's now happy, she comes again next week, guys come to see the girls, guys buy said girls drinks, bar makes money, you make money, everybody's happy.
As you break down, she doesn't leave your side. Conversation continues until you realize that she's one of the Bartender's GF, upon which time you immediately disengage, because not only do you want to remain professional, but that bartender is your friend!
Fast forward to the next week. She's already there, and you can feel her eyes on you as you set up. Later during the show, she's requesting songs and pats you right on the <span style=font-size:10px><i>(@$%&#!)</i></span> deliberately two or three separate times.
You're outside taking a break when her boyfriend comes out. What do you do?


"I don't know dude? I got a girlfriend... And I don't mess around. Maybe you should buy a karaoke rig? She seems to really like to sing..."

Many oppertunities for mic jokes here but I'll leave it alone.
Author:  Lonman [ Wed Nov 24, 2010 10:46 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: So Just pretend for a second that you're a KJ...
She wouldn't have gotten up after I call last call for slips. Obviously have a full rotation already. All solved!
Author:  Brian A [ Wed Nov 24, 2010 11:09 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: So Just pretend for a second that you're a KJ...
michaeldiapers @ Wed Nov 24, 2010 10:14 pm wrote:
You have more singers than you can fit in before last call, and some cute girl walks up saying it's her birthday and she wants to sing. The people you may have to bump off to get her in are either drunks that won't notice, or your friends that can't sing and will understand anyway

The scenario you mentioned is a “no-no” in my book. Although you said it’s only "pretend", you just broke the KJ's golden rule. Never bump anybody, ever, be it a pretty girl, or it’s her birthday, drunks won’t notice, your friends can’t sing and will understand, etc. - that my friend is unprofessional & will only create trouble & bite you in the a**.
michaeldiapers @ Wed Nov 24, 2010 10:14 pm wrote:
As you break down, she doesn't leave your side. Conversation continues until you realize that she's one of the Bartender's GF, upon which time you immediately disengage, because not only do you want to remain professional, but that bartender is your friend!
Fast forward to the next week. She's already there, and you can feel her eyes on you as you set up. Later during the show, she's requesting songs and pats you right on the (@$%&#!) deliberately two or three separate times. You're outside taking a break when her boyfriend comes out. What do you do?

What do you do? Read my first answer above. My sentiments, exactly.
Author:  DannyG2006 [ Thu Nov 25, 2010 2:54 am ]
Post subject:  Re: So Just pretend for a second that you're a KJ...
I agree with Lonman. Even if I could fit her in I wouldn't bump her to the top.
Author:  timberlea [ Thu Nov 25, 2010 5:00 am ]
Post subject:  Re: So Just pretend for a second that you're a KJ...
It wouldn't happen, period.
Author:  jeffsw6 [ Thu Nov 25, 2010 5:27 am ]
Post subject:  Re: So Just pretend for a second that you're a KJ...
Ignoring the rotation issue that everyone seems to be focused on, I'll point out that the KJ in the OP's story hasn't made an advance, and if the bartender has a problem with said KJ, he'd best work it out with her. There is no room for girlfriend drama in this business, for KJs or bartenders. Bringing that stuff to work is a sure-fire way to lose money, customers, and jobs. I like when my girlfriend comes out, but she doesn't cause drama. If she did, I'd ask her not to come.
Author:  Murray C [ Thu Nov 25, 2010 6:37 am ]
Post subject:  Re: So Just pretend for a second that you're a KJ...
michaeldiapers @ Wed Nov 24, 2010 11:14 pm wrote:
Later during the show, she's requesting songs and pats you right on the <span style=font-size:10px><i>(@$%&#!)</i></span> deliberately two or three separate times.
You're outside taking a break when her boyfriend comes out. What do you do?


Well, I don't know exactly what I'd do, but YOU could plant him a big kiss right on the smacker and say "It's Ok buddy, I'm gay!"
Author:  srnitynow [ Thu Nov 25, 2010 7:25 am ]
Post subject:  Re: So Just pretend for a second that you're a KJ...
Perfect on-line name for this topic. If you're still falling for every pretty face that comes along, or shakes her assetts, you're in the WRONG business. Any type of position of power, comes with the occasional cutie that thinks if she bats her eyes, or shakes her a$$, or whatever is going to get preferential treatment. If you're not mature enough to handle that, you have no business taking on that position. You just need to take Vince Lombardy's advice and when you get in the end zone, act like you've been there before. In other words, it's not the first set of boobs you've seen, or not the first time you've been patted on the a$$, or flirted with, and you need to let the girl know that she's still a kitten and she's fooling with a full grown cat. Been there done that!!! Either you're in control, or not. If not, get out of the business. Think with the head that has the brain in it!!! :shock:

Rosario
Author:  michaeldiapers [ Thu Nov 25, 2010 11:05 am ]
Post subject:  Re: So Just pretend for a second that you're a KJ...
I haven't even gotten to the REAL mistake yet! But to rewind for a second: this is a gig I've had going strong since February. I've already had to replace my books once because of them (beer, broken binders) and the 'new' books are already taking a beating. My sm57's get dropped at least once a month, one girl even smashed one against a table (but that's a separate post). So if I put a first time singer in before these drunks, that's my prerogative. And no, they're not taking out their rotation frustration on my books and mics.
So anyway, I'm outside and the bartender comes out. I didn't want it to go any further before anybody perceived that I may be at fault so I told him to keep his eye on his girl, she's really flirty. (They're a new couple, and I'm just trying to give him a heads up before he gets in too deep. That's my view anyway).
So he says that'll stop right now, and drags her outside and plants her right in front of me. I ask her why she patted me on the (@$%&#!) to which she denies and starts getting really defensive, and I'm trying to keep it cool so it doesn't escalate.
I realize now I should have been more abrasive and confrontational and it would have ended sooner. I think that's what he expected too.
I go back inside to continue the night and she's in his ear the whole time. Of course he believes her. Now he's drunk and mad at me, but the bar owner now becomes the mediator, and totally sees where I'm coming from, but I should have kept my mouth shut.
Now, my train of thought was that if I kept my mouth shut, it would have escalated and I would have ended up in even bigger trouble. Somebody up there ^^ said to take it up with her, which I should have done, but it's one of those situations that happens so fast and blah blah blah.
The happy ending? I write the bartender a facebook apology (even though I was the victim here, but sometimes you have play a different role) to which he replies "no problem, already forgotten".
I can only hope she's forgotten it too.
Author:  theCheese [ Thu Nov 25, 2010 1:48 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: So Just pretend for a second that you're a KJ...
Haha.. don't mention even thinking about bumping singers on this board, man.. most of these people come unglued at the mere thought of such a thing.

I, on the other hand, have no problem bumping late arrivals twards the top of the current rotation.

*MY* 'Golden Rule' is not to dip my pen in company ink.

Porkin' the patrons always ends up bad.

Now with that said, 95% of my regular patrons are girls in their mid to late 20's.. lots and lots of flirting going on, lots of offers.. but that's where it ends.

Probably the worst thing you can do if a woman with a boyfriend comes up and flirts with you is to go tell her boyfriend about it.

Bad idea. Bad bad idea.

In most cases when the woman is flirting with you, the boyfriend will either not notice, notice and not care, or when he does notice, he takes it up with her. I mean, it's not like you were walking up to HER, right?
Author:  Wiggly Dave [ Thu Nov 25, 2010 6:57 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: So Just pretend for a second that you're a KJ...
..I'd need at least a B*** J**...... :lol:



...Burt seriously......Rotation is King.......You called "No more Requests"...and you could be setting a precedent taking this Girl's slip.... :wink:
Author:  Marble [ Fri Nov 26, 2010 2:28 am ]
Post subject:  Re: So Just pretend for a second that you're a KJ...
It may be different for me, in the same situation because I'm female, unwanted attention will always make me look the victim, and the perpertator a bully. but in overally flirtatious situations, I tend to remove the hand (or if I'm lucky get-a-hold of it before it grabs) by holding it around the wrist (a sign of dominance that most people miss, but hopefull on a subconscious level understand) and in a jokey manner say "are you trying to get me in trouble. . . what if your wife sees/ what if someone else see's and they think it's a free for all/ what if the owner see's and thinks I'm not doing my job/ what if my partner see's and thinks I'm going to leave him and fall in love with you*" Delete as necessary. Normally the question engages them in debate, which as a sober person I can win, or at the very least distracts them from doing it again.

Strangely however, it's my partner who tends to attract more unwanted attention than me... and it's usually middle aged women who make a beeline for him (he's 30) and he just looked scared when it happens, whilst I point and laugh :lol: His method is to avoid the perpertator when it happens or side step away from their wandering hand. It mainly happens at private parties (at the public events most people know or have clocked that we are together). He will occasionly use the "I have a girlfriend line" or If I have already announced that he is single and looking for phone numbers goes with "My boss will kill me if she see's me distracted from doing my job".
Author:  Karen K [ Fri Nov 26, 2010 10:27 am ]
Post subject:  Re: So Just pretend for a second that you're a KJ...
Such a fine line between being professional yet being approachable, and having the appearance of being a manho or womanho. I agree with whomever said the worst thing to do is to go to the perps partner. I also use the wrist grasp thing if it becomes necessary. The fact that I am an 'older' woman works in my favor though most would have no idea of my age as I assimilate with any crowd, but it also doesn't stop younger dudes from the pursuit.

If there is someone continually pushing the line by things such as comments or physical advances, I stop, look them straight in the eye, advise them that I appreciate that they appear to like me but I have a million boyfriends already and they'll have to get in line, or some other equally ridiculous comment. That they'll never catch up with all the offers I've had, that the kitty is HUGE now to buy favors...I don't want to make anyone feel bad, or bad enough that they get ticked off and blab to friends about how I treated them. None of us should consider alienating customers.

Humor is your best friend in this situation. Remember the prize - a job every week. Drama is our enemy in this situation.
Author:  leopard lizard [ Fri Nov 26, 2010 10:32 am ]
Post subject:  Re: So Just pretend for a second that you're a KJ...
It seems to be part of the bar sport for some couples to get drunk and then over-react to how one or the other flirts or looks at someone or fails to act appropriately when taken by surprise by an inappropriate approach, etc. Then it is fight and walk out time and then they are back the next week starting all over again. They must like to make up or have adrenaline bar drama addiction or something. One of our bar tendresses long ago told me that you just have to remain neutral at all times and not involve yourself. Just say, "Oh really, and change the subject" or something when they tell you things.

It is unfortunatel that this was the bartender's girlfriend. Usually it is the bartender that I would alert if I hear drama escalating or think they need to be aware of a potential situation. Alerting the bartender in this situation just makes it worse plus it doesn't sound like he had the skills to keep the personal out of the professional. If she was talking his ear off all night then he was letting her distract him from doing his job. You will just have to practice your neutral response and try not to let people drag you into their drama and away from concentrating on the show.

Yes--sometimes easier said than done, I will admit myself.
Author:  TroyVnd27 [ Sat Nov 27, 2010 1:06 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: So Just pretend for a second that you're a KJ...
I was young and dumb once and there were a handful of times that I hooked up with customers, despite training that discouraged it. I would eventually learn that the girls were almost always in it for more than I was. This is bad considering they know where and when you work. I used to have these girls showing up "Kaulking" me (karaoke stalking) at all my shows. Their presence alone made things miserable for me. And then, if they are a regular customer, chances are pretty good that they are not going to come back after a few weeks of kaulking. So, my advice is NEVER BANG THE CUSTOMERS! And, if you do, make sure that it isn't a regular and be prepared to be miserable.
Author:  leopard lizard [ Sat Nov 27, 2010 3:13 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: So Just pretend for a second that you're a KJ...
I do like Karen's suggestion of diffusing things with humor. It takes a pro, however, to do it in such a way that makes the person feel good instead of like they have been made fun of. She had some really good suggestions.
Author:  ripman8 [ Sun Nov 28, 2010 5:53 am ]
Post subject:  Re: So Just pretend for a second that you're a KJ...
Murray C @ Thu Nov 25, 2010 8:37 am wrote:
michaeldiapers @ Wed Nov 24, 2010 11:14 pm wrote:
Later during the show, she's requesting songs and pats you right on the <span style=font-size:10px><i>(@$%&#!)</i></span> deliberately two or three separate times.
You're outside taking a break when her boyfriend comes out. What do you do?


Well, I don't know exactly what I'd do, but YOU could plant him a big kiss right on the smacker and say "It's Ok buddy, I'm gay!"

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

LOL Problem solved!
Author:  ripman8 [ Sun Nov 28, 2010 6:08 am ]
Post subject:  Re: So Just pretend for a second that you're a KJ...
Wow, what a situation.

Ok so first my "set of rules" regarding flirting.

I've worked at my other job for the same company for 33 years. Started at age 18. Worked with hundreds of people over the years. But I have never, repeat NEVER had ANY kind of relationship with the females. I did have one with a girl that worked for the company but we met elsewhere and she worked in a different location. I've seen it up close before, it usually doesn't end up good. Hell I had a guy and gal work for me once that hooked up. He was married, he divorced, than THEY broke up. It got ugly and I was put in the uncomfortable situation.

NEVER, NEVER TASTE THE GLAZED DONUTS AT WORK!

Ok, so you didn't encourage this however, I'm with the others, don't break your rotation for this. The rule is in the front of my book and I let people know this. Whether they choose to read it or not, it's there and I point them towards it.

As soon as you said you told the boyfriend, I knew THAT wasn't gonna be good. Of course she is going to lie.

If you hadn't let her sing, and she still flirted heavily with you, I would have just told her up front, I like you and I hope you continue to come here and sing but I'm not looking for anything else. Do love to hear you sing though.

FACEBOOK????? HUH???? Personally I would never leave an electronic or paper trail regarding this situation. Can be used against you later in some type of retaliation! Not sure if it was a private message, posted on your wall, his wall, her wall or in an event room but I wouldn't recommend that at all. Hell, I used email in a divorce proceeding once and it was a powerful weapon.

So what to do now? Hopefully the situation isn't festering. Hopefully your apology heads the right way. Let us know, I used to watch General Hospital in the early 80's with Luke and Laura and this is a better story line! J/K
Author:  rogerniner [ Mon Nov 29, 2010 11:41 am ]
Post subject:  Re: So Just pretend for a second that you're a KJ...
You need to realize you'd been had. No offense, I'm sure your an attractive fellow that warrants the attention of a pretty girl, but it sounds like to me that the only reason she was flirting with you so gregariously is because she wants to sing more. It obviously worked once, so she's going to keep you burning so maybe you give her "special" status. Girls try it on me all the time, and I simply find it sad. I don't fault you on your logic. Yes, catering to the pretty girls will bring more people to the bar, but I've had to explain this to one of by bar's owners several times. I run a karaoke show, not a dance club. He complains about my older regulars singing "sleepy" songs, all the time. And I explain that they come back week after week, and drink mightily, 'cause they are older and can hold the liquor.
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