Karaoke Forums

Love the Road Trip one

Here's one that isn't really helping us ladies but it's soooooo true I just had to post it anyhow:

Cats

1. Cats do what they want, when they want.

2. They rarely listen to you.

3. They're totally unpredictable.

4. They whine when they are not happy.

5. When you want to play they want to be left alone.

6. When you want to be alone, they want to play.

7. They expect you to cater to their every whim.

8. They're moody.

9. They leave their hair everywhere.

10. They drive you nuts.

Conclusion: Cats are little, tiny women in cheap fur coats

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[glow=violet] **Sing like nobody's listening...live like there's no tomorrow**[/glow]

Sinnamon, you've never met my ex-wife.  How did you figure all that out?

I noticed that you said nothing about the departure time which is usually at least 30 minutes after it should have been.  For example, if a woman needs to drive 60 minutes to a 3 PM appointment, she will invariably leave at 2:30.

You didn't say anything about the arrival time either.  "Presently" is not a time, it simply describes an arrival.  But a woman figures she's not late if she's within 30 - 60 minutes of the prescribed time.

Here's a couple you forgot:

The female may decide that she does not "want" the male.  If that situation should arise, the female also reserves the right to not have any other female "want" him either.  This is solely at the discretion of the female.

If the male asks the female out and she says no, he is nonetheless prohibited from asking any other female out either.  

Under no circumstances shall the male be allowed to question the fairness of the two preceeding rules.

Larry

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"Life is too short for diet soda and lite beer"

 LOL

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[glow=violet] **Sing like nobody's listening...live like there's no tomorrow**[/glow]

Larry!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

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[glow=violet] **Sing like nobody's listening...live like there's no tomorrow**[/glow]

Definitions By Gender



THINGY (thing-ee) n.
female: Any part under a car's hood.
male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
male: Playing football without a helmet.

COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
male: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend with the boys.

BUTT (but) n.
female: The body part that every item of clothing manufactured makes "look bigger."
male: What you slap when someone's scored a touchdown, homerun, or goal. Also good for mooning.

COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
female: A desire to get married and raise a family.
male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend.

ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
female: A good movie, concert, play or book.
male: Anything that can be done while drinking.

FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
female: An embarrassing by-product of digestion.
male: An endless source of entertainment, self-expression and male bonding.

MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
male: Call it whatever you want just as long as we end up in bed.

REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
male: A device for scanning through all 75 channels every three minutes.

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[glow=violet] **Sing like nobody's listening...live like there's no tomorrow**[/glow]

..

Sinnamon that is sooo true and it had laughing so hard my stomache hurt!

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[blur]I gave you my heart..please handle with care*~Misti~*[/blur]

We have a dog named Angel. She displays many of the stereotypical characteristics mentioned in this thread.

She just let out a big sigh and a moan, what does that mean?

Am I in trouble or can I set things right?

The picture of her for my avatar was taken when she was 3 months old. You can see that she's trying find her tail.

Chuck,

I'd say you're in trouble.  You can find out for sure by asking her what's wrong.  Either no answer at all or, "Nothing" will confirm it.  You might as well just by her a diamond studded collar now and get it over with.

Larry

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"Life is too short for diet soda and lite beer"

She always just gives me a look when I ask her what is wrong. When I ask her what she wants she will walk right to anything she wants me to get for her. If human women could only be so helpful in communicating.

If I take the women's side in this thread,  will I get lucky ?  I mean, I know, I'll still always be at a deficit (being male),  however that aside,  will I get lucky ?


(Please:  Only women respond)





Hey, with the lousy economy, and the high cost of living..  Why should all entertainment, and luxuries cost so much ?  To each, his own.  Flatulence is a great means of optimizing disposable income




Oh damn,  I could really sink my teeth into this one, only problem is this thread would get pulled.

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Northeast United States runner up for the "Singing Hall of Shame".

I knowwwwwww!!!  And then ya know... after they DO take the stuff and wash it most guys never bother to FOLD the darn clothes....they just stuff 'em back into the same stinky garbage bags they brought 'em in and take 'em home

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[glow=violet] **Sing like nobody's listening...live like there's no tomorrow**[/glow]

Chuck & Larry...you two could keep me entertained for daysssss  LOL

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[glow=violet] **Sing like nobody's listening...live like there's no tomorrow**[/glow]

PM me Kappy......  :wink:

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[glow=violet] **Sing like nobody's listening...live like there's no tomorrow**[/glow]

Men Are Like

Place-Mats: they only show up when there's food on the table.

Mascara: they usually run at the first sign of emotion.

Bike Helmets: handy in an emergency, but otherwise they just look silly.

Government Bonds: they take so long to mature.

Parking Spots: the good ones are taken, and the rest are too small.

Copiers: you need them for reproduction, but that's about it.

Lava Lamps: fun to look at, but not all that bright.

Bank Accounts: without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest.

High Heels: they're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.

Curling Irons: they're always hot, and they're always in your hair.

Mini Skirts: if you're not careful, they'll creep up your legs.

Bananas: the older they get, the less firm they are.

Fine wine: They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd want to have dinner with.

Vacations: They never seem to last long enough.

Computers: Hard to figure out and never have enough memory.

Coolers: Load them with beer, and you can take them anywhere.

Coffee: The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night long.

Horoscopes: They always tell you what to do, and they're usually wrong.

Plungers: They spend most of their time in a hardware store or the bathroom.

Snowstorms: You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get, or how long it will last.

 LOL

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[glow=violet] **Sing like nobody's listening...live like there's no tomorrow**[/glow]

Her Diary vs. His Diary

HER DIARY

Saturday night I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friend all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment. Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk, he agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was wrong he said nothing. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.

On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say I love you, too. When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched TV He seemed distant and absent.

Finally I decided to go to bed, about 10 minutes later he came to bed and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts were somewhere else. I decided that I could not take it anymore so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep. I started crying and cried until I, too, fell asleep. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

HIS DIARY

Played a horrible game of golf today. Shot a 100! Can't putt for (@$%&#!). Got la$d though.

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[scroll]we're men, manly men, we're men in tights[/scroll]

[quote="Sinnamon @ Wed Jul 12, 2006 2:54 pm

Chuck & Larry...you two could keep me entertained for daysssss  LOL[/quote]

Well . . . we could try!  (I can't find an emoticon for a leer or that's what I would have put here,  oh wait . . . drool . . . just as good except a little wetter!)  :drool:

We're thinking about starting a comedy team.  I know what you're thinking; Lewis & Martin, Burns & Allen, Rowen & Martin.  Not so.  We're going to do something that has never been tried before.  Chuck will do his part of the act in Texas and I'll do mine in Wisconsin.  So far it looks like we've got some technical bugs to iron out but just wait till we get over that hump (this space was formerly occupied by an irreverant and totally inappropriate commentary on the preceding word . . . in has been replaced in the interest of decency and because you are far too young and innocent for that kind of thing) it's going to be killer.  Wait and see.

Larry

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"Life is too short for diet soda and lite beer"

Well . . . we could try!  (I can't find an emoticon for a leer or that's what I would have put here,  oh wait . . . drool . . . just as good except a little wetter!)  :drool:

We're thinking about starting a comedy team.  I know what you're thinking; Lewis & Martin, Burns & Allen, Rowen & Martin.  Not so.  We're going to do something that has never been tried before.  Chuck will do his part of the act in Texas and I'll do mine in Wisconsin.  So far it looks like we've got some technical bugs to iron out but just wait till we get over that hump (this space was formerly occupied by an irreverant and totally inappropriate commentary on the preceding word . . . in has been replaced in the interest of decency and because you are far too young and innocent for that kind of thing) it's going to be killer.  Wait and see.

Larry[/quote]

 :laughatthat:

OMG the "young and innocent" part just about made me fall out of my chair!!!  

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[glow=violet] **Sing like nobody's listening...live like there's no tomorrow**[/glow]

speaking of laundry....



Women Say And Men Hear

A woman says:

"This place is a mess! C’mon,
You and I need to clean up.
Your stuff is lying on the floor
and you’ll have no clothes to wear
if we don’t do laundry right now!"

The man hears:

blah, blah, blah, blah, C’MON,
blah, blah, blah, blah, YOU AND I
blah, blah, blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR,
blah, blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES,
blah, blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW!