Karaoke Forums

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"Be who you are and say what you feel... Because those that matter... Don't mind...And those that mind... Don't matter."

Men strike back!  
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it
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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
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Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows
them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
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How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."
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How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
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Why do men fart more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to
build up the required pressure.
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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
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What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told
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I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes
a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
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Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
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Women will never be equal to men until they can
walk down the street with a bald head and a beer
gut, and still think they are sexy.
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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
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Send this to a few good men who need a laugh and
to the select few women who can handle the truth !

This should get me a few points with the gals ........here's johnny...da da da da da

Melly, all men hate women that spit.  (coffee..on the screen) So don't do it! Besides, you could get electricuted or something. (So NEVER spit!) -coffee on the screen-

As for the whole cucumber thing, they been working on a good substitute for a man for a long time. If a cucumber does it for ya, man that's just peachy!  

But to quote a song (and all my ex gals) "ain't nothing like the real thing, baby!"
-or was that just a dream?-  :no:

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Who loves ya baby?

Meanwhile, back at the ranch.......

Take it from me, women fart too, and it ain't pretty!  I could make a horror movie outta a few scenes from my otherwise happy life!

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Who loves ya baby?

where ya been jeff? you have been conspicuous by your absence

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"Be who you are and say what you feel... Because those that matter... Don't mind...And those that mind... Don't matter."

I started a new shift at work and have had plenty to keep me busy.  5am to 5pm (one more day - tomorrow) then two off. (two on, three off)

I've looked in a few times and realized I needed a break. It's best to take a few days off and come back guns a blazin! (bang  ....bang) If I hadn't received a few emails telling me people were posting I would be on ebay right now. (which I'm sure a few people wish I would) Oh well. Thanks for noticing!

Yeah, new shift at work, new supervisor, all new people to meet and try to impress, -why? I don't know- son back in school, lots of personal things going on, stress levels a bit high, haven't had much interest in the net for the last week or so....

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Who loves ya baby?

course I would notice, its a bit like toothache really when its gone you REALLLLLY notice  :hug:

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"Be who you are and say what you feel... Because those that matter... Don't mind...And those that mind... Don't matter."

Is this a slam? Took me a while....

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Who loves ya baby?

My lips are sealed  :D

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"Be who you are and say what you feel... Because those that matter... Don't mind...And those that mind... Don't matter."

We do NOT!  Shame on you Jeff...telling such stories!  But if we DID...it would be totally unoffensive...and smell like roses...  :yes:

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[glow=violet] **Sing like nobody's listening...live like there's no tomorrow**[/glow]

heheh ummmmmmm....

_________________
"Be who you are and say what you feel... Because those that matter... Don't mind...And those that mind... Don't matter."

Here is a comment I hope you take seriously:

Women today are made to feel guilty for needing men. They're told they are weak, co-dependent or lacking in self-esteem if they need a man.........Then for some insane reason they yank the hair of another wonam when she 'steals' a man away from them......Go figure.

I love you women critters, but sometimes you can be your own worst enemy....I got your number, I know what makes you tick.....don't condem me for revealing it.

Many Western women today are dysfunctional because they are getting contradictory messages. Society tells them to be "strong and independent," i.e. successful in a career.

But this behavior is masculine and makes men feel redundant. Men don't like these women. Those women are doing what society(their friends) tell them to do, yet they are not getting the male love they expect and need.

Women are loved by men when they put their husband and children before themselves. It is feminine to self efface. Men love these women because they become part of them-they, to the man, become joined at the hip and then they become one against the world where the man feels compelled to protect them from the world.

I am not against a woman having a career, only putting it before marriage and family.

Women become angry and psychotic, and their men become detached and selfish whenever these issues collide....They each go to their own corners and come out fighting....The women come out screaming you are a pig trying to steal my identity, and the man defends himself with 'you have abandoned me and our family for your job and your feminist friends!'

Ladies, be careful what ideas you subscribe to....47% of women college grads are childless and getting older every day.....70% of non grads are divorced with children, and they too get older everyday....ALL of them are competing for the same man....BUT

Young men today are avoiding marriage in higher numbers than ever before. They finish school and chase a job, or play with their buddies, and they exploit all the available single women out there....And Gals today complain that no guy worth having wants to committ....Hmmmmm....Google up 'marriage strike' if you want to understand it.

Then maybe you will see why like someone here said recently, "A good man is hard to find."

If then you still feel compelled to ridicule Men, then please accept that you do so out of rejection, and that as you age and your numbers grow, so will your sense of rejection and your feelings of hatred grow toward Men.

I like Women....I especially like them when they cling to me in the night and make me feel like they depend on me...That makes me thump my chest soundly and be a MAN for them....and that makes me the MAN they all want but can't find.

I am an older man...I would make an ideal mate for an older woman...she could rely on me to be there when she starts to fail and needs my care....But because of feminism and all I described, I am more attractive to a much younger woman who looked around and saw that men her age avoid her....so she chose me.....And I allowed it cause it's a fact younger women look better naked than older women....and because she clings to me in the night and depends on me for her tomorrow.....And I have lived already all the tomorrows she will ever see, so she trusts me to guide her thru them....and that makes me feel like a man to her.

So go ahead Ladies....You keep on dissing men and you keep on rejecting the men who think like me...Cause all you do is make guys like me harder to find and more valuable....When you do that, you grant me power over your growing numbers...I become even more rare and sought after.

Keith, do you think that the average family can support itself financially on the average income of the husband alone? Aren't those days over unless the man gets a high paying job.  What about men who are cracking under the pressure of trying to do it all themselves?  Some start to resent their wives for not being out in the workforce and sharing in the money making effort?

see what I read here is that its OK for the guy to be selfish and play with his buddies, just so long as the lil lady knows her place. REAL men take an active role in the raising of their families. REAL men take an active share in the burden of cleaning house. That way everyone has time to play.
its called sharing the load. Its what gives the family unit the opportunity to plan and play together.
Oh yeah and when I say jump, I expect those around me to ask how high

_________________
"Be who you are and say what you feel... Because those that matter... Don't mind...And those that mind... Don't matter."

Well, the scientfic results are in, and it seems women hold their farts in for a much longer period than men. This gives a fart a longer fermentation time, resulting in a much larger volume of stink. Compounding this, is the fact that women's farts are usually accompanied by a lower volume of sound, which indicates that the cloud of stench, will be a much smaller, but more concetrated air mass when it hits the nose. This also produces an element of surprise......no audible warning. Women farts have been known to actually peel the paint off walls, and are usually followed by a denial.............after being married for 32 years, and raising 3 daughters, coaching girls in soccer, softball, and basketball for 20 or so years.....I have documented these facts............jj

Shush Johnny...who asked you??  :whistle:

hehehehe  LOL

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[glow=violet] **Sing like nobody's listening...live like there's no tomorrow**[/glow]

Ed was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary.
His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect
to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than
6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE".

The next morning Ed got up early and left for work.
When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough
there was a small box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway,
brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand
new bathroom scale.

 LMAO  LMAO

hey mr joke snatcher I posted the exact same one in a thread a few days ago

_________________
"Be who you are and say what you feel... Because those that matter... Don't mind...And those that mind... Don't matter."

hella helarious