Karaoke Forums

Country Bumpkins

Did you hear about the South Carolina redneck
who passed away and left his entire estate in
trust for his beloved widow? She can't touch
it till she's fourteen.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
What's the difference between a good ol' boy
and a redneck? The good ol' boy raises livestock.
The redneck gets emotionally involved.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
What's the most popular pick-up line in Alabama?
Nice tooth!
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. The
911 operator told Bubba that she would send
someone out right away. "Where do you live?
"asked the operator. Bubba replied, "At the end
of Eucalyptus Drive." The operator asked, "Can
you spell that for me? "There was a long pause
and finally Bubba said, "How 'bout if I drag
her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?"
---------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you know when your staying in a Kentucky
hotel? When you call the front desk and say "I've
gotta leak in my sink" and the person at the front
desk says "go ahead."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
How can you tell if a Texas redneck is married?
There is dried chewing tobacco on both sides
of his pickup truck.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Did you hear that they have raised the minimum
drinking age in Tennessee to 32? It seems they
want to keep alcohol out of the high schools!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
What do they call reruns of "Hee Haw" in Mississippi?
A documentary.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
How many rednecks does it take eat a 'possum? Two.
One to eat, and one to watch out for traffic.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Why did God invent armadillos? So that Texas
rednecks can have possum on the halfshell.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Where was the toothbrush invented? Oklahoma.
If it was invented anywhere else it would have been
called a teethbrush.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Arkansas State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on
I-40. He says to the driver, "Got any ID?" The driver says,
"Bout what?"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Did you hear about the $3,000,000 Tennessee State Lottery?
The winner gets $3 a year for a million years
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Why did O. J. Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
Everyone has the same DNA.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Little Rock,
Arkansas burned down? Yep. Pert' near took out the
whole trailer park.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A new law recently passed in North Carolina: When a
couple gets divorced, they're still brother and sister.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
What's the best thing to ever come out of Arkansas? I-40.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Two Mississippians are walking down different ends of
a street toward each other, and one is carrying a sack.
When they meet, one says,"Hey Tommy Ray, what'cha
got in th' bag?" "Jus' some chickens." "If I guesses how
many they are, can I have one?" "Shoot, ya guesses right
and I'll give you both of them." "OK. Ummmmm . . . five?"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
What do a divorce in Alabama, a tornado in Oklahoma,
and a hurricane in Florida have in common? Somebody's
fixin' to lose them a trailer.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A Mississippian came home and found his house on fire,
he rushed next door, telephoned the fire department and
shouted, "Hurry over here. My house is on fire!" "OK,"
replied the fireman, "how do we get there?"
"Shucks, don't you still have those big red trucks?"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do folks in Kentucky go to the movie theater in
groups of 18 or more? 'Cuz 17 and under not admitted.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you get when you have 32 rednecks in the
same room? A full set of teeth.

actually it's "nice tooth Sis"  :cowboy:

_________________
All work and no play make Homer something something

! Oak street one is my favorite. By the way, I'm from Texas! I think I'm insulted............. naaah!

Never Mind....My Question was answered....

Y'all pokin' fun of us here hillbillies?  LMAO

_________________
[shadow=white][scroll]Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass.....It's about learning to dance in the rain[/scroll][/shadow]

When you drive into their yard the first thing you notice is several cars sitting around in various states of repair. Most have weeds growing up out of the engine area as high as the roof. Then a bunch of hounds come running out scattering chickens and other things. Some of the dogs look friendly, the rest look like junkyard dogs. You are absolutely afraid to get out.

Next you notice some kids peeking out from hiding spots. A couple of them walk up and greet you with broad shy grins. A mom comes out with a baby on her hip, hair all disheveled and bare foot. "I'm looking for ron anderson" "Oh he lives over the hill on the right" By this time all the kids are out beaming and chattering. So you talk awhile and introduce yourself and laugh with the kids.

Months later you might be in town or somewhere and somebody will call your name and say hi. It's one of the kids. You have friends for life. You damn right I'm a redneck!!!!

_________________
Join The Karaokle Singers Social Network. Upload Your Music!!

Sounds like my third cousin twice removed's house

_________________
[shadow=white][scroll]Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass.....It's about learning to dance in the rain[/scroll][/shadow]

Wa'll Ill garantey you one thing. It was these people that built this country It sure as hel* wasnt these weirdos running around now bombing schools and sech.

It's sad but they are gradually destroying the backbone of this nation with their weird notions.

_________________
Join The Karaokle Singers Social Network. Upload Your Music!!

Amen Brother Ollie, Amen  :hug:

_________________
[shadow=white][scroll]Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass.....It's about learning to dance in the rain[/scroll][/shadow]

Oh good lord, THAT sounds like MY house;)

(totally not my fault though, blame the boys and my hubby... I only have 3 autos personally, and one of them is even drivable)  LMAO

[schild=1 fontcolor=000000 shadowcolor=C0C0C0 shieldshadow=1]Redneck Pride[/schild]

_________________
♥ Laugh your heart out, dance in the rain. Cherish the memories, ignore the pain. Love and learn, forget and forgive. Because you only have one life to live. ♥

Dang!...you're cute, AND you have access to 3 back seats too?

Got your GPS coordinates handy?

...Oh, do your dogs bark at strangers in the night?

Then there's the toilets in the front yards with flowers planted in them!  LOL

Dang, Melinda.....

You're pretty dang good looking... you're gonna make Keith drool and bring on all the charm he can muster. You best be prepared.

Keith... Who you talking to? Me?

I no longer have a dog.  :(  I don't even have Banjo anymore, and I've had him since 1998... no longer have ANY dogs. Except Tucker's little thing, but he's more rat than dog.  We don't have a place that's good for dogs, they could never run and play, they were always on a chain.  And that was not a good life, so I got them new homes. Sad, but better off for them.

When I move back out to the country... that's the first thing on my list... I am getting another puppy.

And yeah, if ya WERE talking to me.... I can show ya some back seat tricks I bet you've never seen before.  :whistle:

Now, go flirt with Melinda... I gotta get off here and cook dinner.  :hug:

GPS??.... wtf??  :drunk:

.

_________________
♥ Laugh your heart out, dance in the rain. Cherish the memories, ignore the pain. Love and learn, forget and forgive. Because you only have one life to live. ♥

Charmin, you sure know how to get me in a bind. Danged right she's cute, too cute- I couldn't stand the strain lookin at her 24/7...and besides that she's probably high maintenance too.

I'll settle for you.

(The fact you stated you had to go cook weighed alot in your favor. ...Plus you let me look and did't slap me)

I just wish Melinda would put some pics in her gallery so I don't strain my eyes!

Here in Texas that is a very common site. Even in the nice neighborhoods.  And no, I don't have one in my yard.  I gotta wait for my toilet to break cause the ubby won't let me buy a new one to put out in the yard....

_________________
Will sing or fish for food!!I'm not quite right!!

Excuse me?
If you think you have to "settle" for me, then go get yourself something better.  :no:



Oh? You like women who cook? I didn't know that;) I mean, it's not like I put that comment in just to sway things my direction...

Keith, if you didn't oggle every gal here, well.... you just wouldn't be you.  LMAO  :hug:

_________________
♥ Laugh your heart out, dance in the rain. Cherish the memories, ignore the pain. Love and learn, forget and forgive. Because you only have one life to live. ♥

I've just seen a few of them around. I didn't know this was common in Texas! No offense intended Isis.  :hug:

And yes Keith, I guess I would be considered high maintainance, sorry!  LOL

Good luck with Keith, Charmin!  :handshake:

"good luck with Keith"......  LMAO

Why am I the only one who doesn't run the other direction?

Keith, awww, shucks... looks like you might have to "settle" for ME.
(atleast here in these forums)  :D

I gotta admit, there are some pretty hard core rednecks around here, but I don't know anyone with a toilet-vase in their front yard. Lots of other things.... I've seen old iron headboards from beds, china tea cups, old chairs with circular holes cut in the center w/a flower pot in it, old #2 washtubs... but I can't think of anyone with a toilet.

But- I wont knock it till I've seen it. Might be kinda pretty. (but then, hell, what's my name? haha... )

.

_________________
♥ Laugh your heart out, dance in the rain. Cherish the memories, ignore the pain. Love and learn, forget and forgive. Because you only have one life to live. ♥

Because you feel sorry for him?  LMAO   Besides...I didn't think you were "fluffy" enough for him  :rotflmao:

_________________
[glow=white][scroll]Live, laugh, and love today--just in case tomorrow doesn't make it[/scroll][/glow]

That's true... I don't fit the "fluffy enough" requirement. He just uses and abuses me here in the forums. And I do my fair share of using and abusing him too.

But only cause I get bored when YOU are not around suga;)

BTW, you owe me an update... hope all is well.  :hug:

.

_________________
♥ Laugh your heart out, dance in the rain. Cherish the memories, ignore the pain. Love and learn, forget and forgive. Because you only have one life to live. ♥