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Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter came and took their drink order.

'I would like a Sprite,' said the first little piggy.

'I would like a Coke,' said the second little piggy.

'I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' said the third little piggy.  :beermates:

The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner.

'I want a nice big steak,' said the first piggy.

'I would like the salad plate,' said the second piggy.

'I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' said the third little piggy.  

The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.

'I want a banana split,' said the first piggy.

'I want a cheesecake,' said the second piggy.

'I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' exclaimed the third little piggy.  

'Pardon me for asking,' said the waiter to the third little piggy,'

But why have you only ordered beer all evening?'

The third piggy says -


'Well, somebody has to go 'Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!  

A woman golfer goes running into the clubhouse screaming " Oh my God! I just got stung by a bee! " The golf pro ask her: Where did it sting you? She replies: Between the first and second hole! The golf pro replies; Hmmm, your stance is too wide.

Did you hear about the 2 antennas that got married, the wedding wasn't much, but the reception was great!

And always remember this: Thank God for venetian blinds, or it be curtains for us all!

ENJOYING THE JOKES! --- SOME GOOD ONES THERE - WILL GO DOWN A STORM IN WORK

Bad Drivers    

There's a senior citizen driving on the highway. His wife calls him on his cell phone and in a worried voice says, ''Herman, be careful! I just heard on the radio that there was a madman driving the wrong way on Route 280!''
Herman says, ''I know, but there isn't just one, there are hundreds!''

A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.

The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:

Emma come first.

Den I come.

Den two asses come together.

I come once-a-more.

Two asses, they come together again.

I come again and pee twice.

Then I come one lasta time.

"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country...we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives"

Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sex?

I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell "Mississippi'."


I got $5.00 that says you will read this again  LMAO  

OK, OK - where do I send the $5.00!  Very good - I enjoyed that way mucho!!

Respectfully Cheating    

Jack and Betty are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary.
"Betty, I was wondering -- have you ever cheated on me?"
"Oh Jack, why would you ask such a question now? You don't want to ask that question..."
"Yes, Betty, I really want to know. Please."
"Well, all right. Yes, 3 times."
"Three? When were they?"
"Well, Jack, remember when you were 35 years old and you really wanted to start the business on your own and no bank would give you a loan? Remember how one day the bank president himself came over to the house and signed the loan papers, no questions asked?"
"Oh, Betty, you did that for me! I respect you even more than ever, that you would do such a thing for me! So, when was number 2?"
"Well, Jack, remember when you had that last heart attack and you were needing that very tricky operation, and no surgeon would touch you? Remember how Dr. DeBakey came all the way up here, to do the surgery himself, and then you were in good shape again?"
"I can't believe it! Betty, I love that you should do such a thing for me, to save my life! I couldn't have a more wonderful wife. To do such a thing, you must really love me darling. I couldn't be more moved. When was number 3?"
"Well, Jack, remember a few years ago, when you really wanted to be president of the golf club and you were 17 votes short?"

A Rabi, a Priest and a Penguin walk into a bar..

The bartender says, Morning sister...

Keith walks into his bedroom with a sheep under
his arm and says:

"Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you
have a headache."

His wife is lying in bed and replies: "I think
you'll find that's a  sheep, you idiot."

Keith says: "I think you'll find that I wasn't
talking to you.


actually its not a joke its a true story  LMAO

_________________
"Be who you are and say what you feel... Because those that matter... Don't mind...And those that mind... Don't matter."

I'm not only singing now, but making singing videos too..

    Try to top that  :shock:

_________________
Northeast United States runner up for the "Singing Hall of Shame".

A woman walked into the   kitchen to find her
husband stalking around with a fly swatter  

"What are you doing?" She asked.

"Hunting Flies" He responded.  

"Oh! Killing any?" She asked.

"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he   replied.  

Intrigued, she asked. "How   can you tell them apart?"

He responded, "3 were on a beer can,   2 were on the   phone".

Sober up Morgan. You and I were never married.

nope but I had a heart to heart with several of your ex's  LMAO

_________________
"Be who you are and say what you feel... Because those that matter... Don't mind...And those that mind... Don't matter."

You guys are funnier than our jokes !!!

Lise, I am funny ha ha , keith is the funny peculiar kind baaaaaaaaabara told me  LMAO

_________________
"Be who you are and say what you feel... Because those that matter... Don't mind...And those that mind... Don't matter."

Vicki, somebody told me they know the name of Keith's sheep.  They reckon he calls it "Arty".  Apparently he was seen doing a haka!  LMAO

[schild=13 fontcolor=191970 shadowcolor=FFFFFF shieldshadow=1]Keith's a Sheep Shagga[/schild]

_________________
"Be who you are and say what you feel... Because those that matter... Don't mind...And those that mind... Don't matter."

You know, it's great just being here and reading ... really enjoying getting to know you guys.  You're all hillarious.

In the meantime I got another joke ...

"Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce Court
Judge said, "And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week," "That's very
fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to
send her a few bucks myself."

Parvinder and Habib are panhandlers... They panhandle in different areas of town.

Habib panhandles just as long as Parvinder but only collects 2 to
3 dollars every day.

Parvinder brings home a suitcase FULL of $10 bills, drives a Mercedes, lives in a

mortgage-free house and has a lot of money to spend.

Habib says to Parvinder 'I work just as long and hard as you do but how do you

bring home a suitcase full of $10 bills every day?'.

Parvinder says, .... 'Look at your sign, what does it say'?

Habib's sign reads 'I have no work, a wife and 6 kids to support'.'

Parvinder says ' No wonder you only get $2-3 dollars'

Habib says... 'So what does your sign say'?

Parvinder shows Habib his sign......

It reads,

'I only need another $10 to move back to Pakistan!

Here's one for Easter!

A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road.

He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car.

The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see

what has become of the rabbit.

Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead.

The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry.

A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees a man crying on the side of the road

and pulls over.

She steps out of the car and asks the man what's wrong.

"I feel terrible," he explains, "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it."

The blonde says, "Don't worry."

She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can.

She walks over to the limp, dead rabbit, bends down, and sprays the contents onto the rabbit.

The rabbit jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road.

Ten feet away the rabbit stops, turns around and waves again,

he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet,

turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again, until he hops out of sight.

The man is astonished. He runs over to the woman and demands, "What is in that can?

What did you spray on that rabbit?"

The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label.

It says..


"Hair Spray -

Restores life to dead hair,

and adds permanent wave."

Happy Easter!!!
   :bouncer:  

Wham Bam Thank You Maam

Wham Bam  Thank You Maam


Wham Bam Thank You Maam



WHOOPS!!  HI SAM.......

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