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Originally Posted: Mon, 19 Nov 03:52 PST
"What Happened to All the Nice Guys?"
Date: 2007-11-19, 3:52AM PST


I see this question posted with some regularity in the personals section, so I thought I'd take a minute to explain things to the ladies out there that haven't figured it out.

What happened to all the nice guys?

The answer is simple: you did.

See, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a Platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He'd tag along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn't feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the (other) guy that you were eff*ing treated you.

At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crush on you. Given that his behavior was, admittedly, a little pathetic, you vehemently denied having any romantic feelings for him, and buttressed your position by claiming that you were "just friends." Besides, he totally wasn't your type. I mean, he was a little too short, or too bald, or too fat, or too poor, or didn't know how to dress himself, or basically be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time pulled off with such ease.

Eventually, your Platonic buddy drifted away, as your relationship with the boyfriend got more serious and spending time with this other guy was, admittedly, a little weird, if you weren't dating him. More time passed, and the boyfriend eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the things that attracted you to him weren't the kinds of things that make for a good, long-term relationship. So, now, you're single again, and after having tried the bar scene for several months having only encountered players and douche bags, you wonder, "What happened to all the nice guys?"

Well, once again, you did.

You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy. You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive "just-a-" friend. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life. He probably came to realize, one day, that women aren't really attracted to guys who hold doors open; or make dinners just because; or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when you're upset; or hold you when you cry. He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he'd have to act more like the boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some money, and generally acted like more of an (@$%&#!) than he ever wanted to be.

Fact is, now, he's probably getting laid, and in a way, your ultimate rejection of him is to thank for that. And I'm sorry that it took the complete absence of "nice guys" in your life for you to realize that you missed them and wanted them. Most women will only have a handful of nice guys stumble into their lives, if that.

So, if you're looking for a nice guy, here's what you do:

1.) Build a time machine.
2.) Go back a few years and pull your head out of your (_|_).
3.) Take a look at what's right in front of you and grab ahold of it.

I suppose the other possibility is that you STILL don't really want a nice guy, but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have matured beyond your infantile taste in men. In which case, you might be in luck, because the nice guy you claim to want has, in reality, shed his nice guy mantle and is out there looking to unleash his cynicism and resentment onto someone just like you.

If you were five years younger.

So, please: either stop misrepresenting what you want, or own up to the fact that you've eff*ed yourself over. You're getting older, after all. It's time to excise the bullpoop and deal with reality. You didn't want a nice guy then, and he certainly doesn't eff*ing want you, now.

Sincerely,

A Recovering Nice Guy

* Location: LA
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 483318927

Sad but true!!

I happen to be a sucker for a sweet guy myself...of course there has to be physical attraction too...but sweet wins over some stuck on himself (@$%&#!) everytime with me!

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[glow=violet] **Sing like nobody's listening...live like there's no tomorrow**[/glow]

Yeah I have one of those but he's gay



hmmm ok well the builder who was 6'7" wasnt gay but I had known him all my life!! He was like the guy next door...but he sure did dote on my son



yeah ok that is true I admit it



I told you that one is gay



3.) Take a look at what's right in front of you and grab ahold of it.

well I tried this, seriously...it was like his business got right up my nose cos I only came up to his waist!!

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"Be who you are and say what you feel... Because those that matter... Don't mind...And those that mind... Don't matter."

Hmmmm Nice guys! I was one of those. Well, nine years ago I finally found someone that appreciates me for me. We are doing great! Before that, there was Margaret the psycho man hating banshee woman...great body and well out of my league but couldn't let herself get attached because of past abuse from her ex. Then there was Jackie, always drunk and used my house when things got too intense with her controlling BF. Eventually, he kept her locked in the house with no street clothes so she couldn't go anywhere. Ann, who liked me when she needed to be moved or a ride, but continued to go back to her Mexican gang banger types. Lest I forget, there was Kathy, who almost was murdered by her BF, but just couldn't stay away from those types of men. Liz, who decided a cocaine dealer was her perfect man...saw her two years later with her figure gone as well as her teeth. Then there was Jill, ah Jill, who was my BFF in California and I truly was in love with her, we spent hours together driving all over Southern California in my 73 Eldorado, but her ideal man was someone who was sent to jail for committing murder. She eventually found a decent guy and they are happily married for many years. There were others that I only vaguely remember, but it all turned out the same. I would be there for whatever they needed, but they all wanted that "dangerous" type. I'll never understand that.

Darlin' I can sure RELATE!! I'm only 5'4" hehehehe

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[glow=violet] **Sing like nobody's listening...live like there's no tomorrow**[/glow]

I'll never understand that either so don't feel bad

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[glow=violet] **Sing like nobody's listening...live like there's no tomorrow**[/glow]

yeah.... that was me.

I never got tired of being a nice guy... BUT you do wise up after a while and realize you're being used.

My wife thinks I'm pretty good... that's good enough for me!

I'm 6'8" and a nice guy, and my girlfriend is 5'6", doesn't seem to mind. But then again we're past all the superficial bull. I think we kinda like each others "business" wherever it is. Don't know how to use those smiley faces, but one is at the end of this post.

Is that Port washington in Wisconsin, srnitynow?

Lordairgtar, Yes it is Port Washington, Wi. Probable about 50 miles from you. We're practically neighbors! Enjoy the weather.

wondered who would get it...you are a woman after my own heart

_________________
"Be who you are and say what you feel... Because those that matter... Don't mind...And those that mind... Don't matter."

**zipping my lip this time**

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♥ Laugh your heart out, dance in the rain. Cherish the memories, ignore the pain. Love and learn, forget and forgive. Because you only have one life to live. ♥

I see some similar parallels in your story....

you know this is right, and goes with out saying,, it makes you wonder doesnt it ?
married three time's worked hard to give them what they thought they needed, or I could try at least, and all three run around with other women who told them to find a rich-man I guess ,after twenty three years I give up !!lol..... but your right ,.
had a freind who's wife left him for more money,and when the guy dumped her after fifteen years because she had a stroke and had to walk with a cane, she came back to my freind ,and wanted him to take her back ???? he said hell- no !! ......
thanks for this reminder of how some people are, its sad,but life I guess.....

A man needs a woman that loves sex

A man needs a woman the loves to cuddle..

A man needs a woman that has a good job..

A man needs a woman that loves to share him with other women..


Most of all, a man needs these four women to never meet..