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Please K.J.'s give me some input. My husband is an attractive man, sings very well and has just started back as an active K.J. with 7 shows a week at different venues. One of his shows that he has been working for the past 6 months has a rather large crowd who attend every week. He has been begging me to come to this show for months and time has not allowed nor have I felt comfortable leaving our 4 year old with a sitter. Last week I was finally able to get away and attend this show. My 22 year old daughter and her husband went with me. We surprised my husband by showing up. He was thrilled to see me and made sure that all his regulars knew that I was his wife.

About 45 minutes into his show he was singing one of only 3 songs that he will allow himself to sing during shows when a very scantially clad young woman got up and began grinding her ahem......charms against him, she was shimmying up and down his body like he was a stripper pole. He was singing the song directly to me as it was a love song that he sings to me on occasion. This girl was looking directly at me while she put on her performance. I understand that he was working, getting paid to entertain, he did not invite this exhibition. My night was immediately ruined. I quitely told my party that it was time to go and we discretely paid our bill and left. My husband called appologizing before I even got out of the parking lot. I told him that I did not blame him but that I felt it best that I not attend any more of his show because this was obviously the way women behaved now days and that I felt disrespected and degraded by her actions.

Later the next day I received an email from this girl. She had gotten my contact information from a link on my husbands facebook page, which she is a devoted friends of. She appologized for "making me feel insecure" I swear to god her words, and "that my husband always tells the young foolish girls such as herself that he is happily married and not interested in hooking up when they approach him. That what she had done was on a whim and in no way did she mean anything by it as she was very secure in her marriage but suffered from her own jealousy issues".

I was more pissed off by the email than the incident. This little slut went out of her way to call me out! Now as a result I feel uncomforatble attending any of his shows. Which as of this week has become a problem, he took another show locally that is a family show and had promised our little boy he could go and sing, then later told me that I couldn't take him because this girl and her group would all be there and he did not want to have a conflict. My choices were to forget it ever happend and not say a word the next time or never attend another show.

I had already made the decision to not go again but come on......the original show is 45 minutes from our home, this woman is travelling that far to come to my town and participate in a local karaoke show. I feel that my husband needs to nip this one in the bud, he says he would but he doesn't want to offend her and risk losing the 20 or 30 people that attend all of his shows in her group.

Isn't there a way to let the singers know that the K.J. is there to earn a living and not a prostitute for their advances because he is getting paid to perform without offending anyone? I cannot possibly be the only wife who has had this issue. How has anyone else handled this situation. Remember I said I did not cause a scene and that I left quietly without anyone noticing. I do not blame my husband but this woman went out of her way to contact me and esculate the situation. How should I have handled this situation. I have not responded to her and do not intend to.

Hiya. I think you are playing this situation right. I feel this girl obviously has a thing for your guy and,in the long run,if she is ignored ,then she will get bored and stop making a fool of herself. How did she get your email?? Who told her you felt insecure?

Your husband obviously mentioned something to her that she would try to get your contact info. Either that is what he told her or she took what he said out of context & twisted it around. Either way I think it tacky of her to begin with - starting with the whole situation.
That being said, hosts do sometimes have to put up with this behavior. Some play into it, some just kind of let it happen, ignore & laugh it off. When my wife comes in and that happens, she just laughs it off knowing who I going home to that night. But then she was also a host when we met & she knows full well that is part of the job, it's how the host deals with it is what needs to come into question.

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She clicked on my link on his facebook page and sent me a message. I was not aware that I had any insecurities, she came up with that on her own. I just feel that when a person goes out of his way to make sure that people knew I was there and introduced me to almost everyone in her group she should have had the respect to not touch my husband in the manner she did with me sitting there.

I know he gets hit on every night, I don't like it but he has to earn a living and with the economy tight his side business of karaoke has taken over as his main income. I believe that the K.J., host, M.C., D.J. or performer should be shown respect by their fans. If you know the person is married and they have made a point of telling everyone during every performance then these women (men too if that is the case) should respect those vows and not proposition them. What has happend to modesty and respect in the world today?

Lonman you are correct he told her that night that she had offend me and swears that is all he said.

BTW, your avtar is great. My husband is a huge Trek fan, he would love it!

First of all this happens to hosts, male and female, single and married. If the host has a secure relationship then don't worry about it. My dad always had a saying "Why go out for hamburger whenyou have steak at home". If you trust him, don't worry, chalk it up to the occupation. If she e-mails you, ignore it. They will play on whatever reply you give. And for God's sake if you want to go to your husband's show then do so and not let anybody stand in your way. Ignore anything on stage. Your husband and/or the bar will let the person that enough is enough.

One very important last piece of advice. If this becomes stalking, ie incessant e-mails, phone calls, etc, call the police. Now going to the shows is not stalking unless she continues to be inappropriate.

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You can be strange but not a stranger

I have to say, being a KJ is sometimes a surreal experience. Several times a week my butt and nipples seem to up for the pinching. I've had my nipples serious squeezed enough to make me wince. Other parts of my anatomy also seem to be up for grabs...

I don't get it. If a man did the same to a woman he'd be arrested. I've told women, "hey that's not cool" or whatever, and they look at ME like I'm strange or something.

Certainly, there is a bit of flirting and friendly play that comes with being a host. I've had conversations with friends about this and they think I'm either bragging or nuts when I say I get MOLESTED several times a week... until they come to a show, and then they're jealous. .

Honestly, I could do without it... but I just laugh it off and go on.

You're hubby loves YOU, and he's with you. I wouldn't worry about them. I'm married too, and there is no way I'd screw up what I've got for some psycho stalker attention deprived young chick believe me.

Personally, I'd ignore her. She was more than likely just trying to draw attention to herself for the moment... because her self esteem is poor. If there's no attention or drama to be gained, she'll go away, trust me.

BTW, Lonman, for sometime I've been meaning to say how much your GIF just cracks me up... very funny.

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The girl was way out of line, knowing you were there. Yes --sometimes as a KJ you have to play into it , but she showed ZERO class fooling around like that while you are there. It might be she was trying to play the trick on your HUSBAND and not you . Some hoes just don't think things thru

I would email her back and tell her that you're not threatened - but you don't appreciate that type of behavior. OR you can ignore it OR you can show up at the next show and open a can of whoop azz

I'm ok which ever one you choose

Wife, probably not the answer you want to hear - because I can see how angry you are over this - but I think the best thing you can do is to not even dignify the girl's email with a response.

At my bar show, a primarily college venue, drunk "woo woo" giirls rub all over me all night. Frankly, sometimes it just gets in my way when I'm trying to work! I don't mind if some of the female regulars want to make me part of their fun. I know at the end of the night my only plans are to drive home to my wife.

Does your hubby wear a ring? If not, maybe he's giving out the wrong signal despite talking about you at the show.

Go to the family show! Hubby will love you that much more for supporting him. It's pretty lonely sometimes for a KJ to preside over a bar full of couples or watching singles hooking up without wishing his own sweetie was there.

Don't give your husband's "admirer" the satisfaction of thinking that she matters. If you reply, she wins.

Good luck!

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Amen to that brother! Wife, support your hubby, he loves you!

Women can get extremely aggressive when drunk, and extremely PI$$ED OFF when you reject them. Its freaky. I try to go with it and make it funny (surprised faces, eye rolls, etc.) rather than rock the boat.

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I am a KJ and my husband is also a KJ; he is also the lead singer in a band. We are thrown into these types of situations constantly. My husband will not allow anyone to do what your husband apparently allows. I tend to be a little more tolerant but still have pretty strong body language that lets the potential offender know that their intimate session is over.

As far as offending the offender, seems like little Ms. Brass Ovaries has a thick hyde anyway to do what she did. I probably would have gotten up, stood on the other side of him and done the same thing, laughing the whole time. But then, my nasty sense of humor sometimes takes over in these situations.

Woman to woman, never let this kind of hoochie mama run you off - no matter where you are. It is your prerogative to go to whatever show you want and of course support your husband. If your husband is so concerned about offending this woman and running these people off, he needs to reevaluate his body language and nip this sort of behavior in the bud. Obviously it has happened before?

For some women, this is just a challenge. They are so starved for attention that they really don't care who they have offended. I would probably have turned it into a comedy routine - without even touching her.

If you're at all into acting, here's some interesting solutions:
1.Walk right up to her, in a very theatrical way, step between her and your husband and pretend to push her back one big step and say something like, "That's MY man you're rubbin' on, girl. Now beat it!"
2. Ask the bartender where the broom closet is - find the broom with the longest handle, walk up to the stage, hold the handle up toward her and tell her, "Honey, your pole has arrived."
3. Make your way to her table - is she married? Find her husband or boyfriend - say something like, "Your woman told me we're trading places tonight."
4. Take the mic as soon as he's done singing and she is walking away and suggest, "I hope $1 will cover your services?" and toss her a dollar bill.

Frankly I'm not the jealous kind and neither is my husband but that comes from years of working on a stage. Be confident that he's coming home to you - "don't matter where you get your appetite, so long as you eat at home." On the other hand, he could make a tad more of an effort to reassure you by not allowing this kind of thing to happen again. He should worry a little more about offending you and a little less about offending hoochie mama. (Do not take any of the above seriously - I was just enjoying the scenarios in my mind and wondering about the potential to really get things wound up!)

There have been times that I have thought a female was being disrespectful toward me but my bottom line is it is the man's job to deal with it as getting involved just makes one out to be the B, somehow. If your man allows a woman to be disrespectful to you, why blame just the woman?

The red flag to me is that your husband told YOU not to come to the show because he didn't want to offend HER. I sort of think he is afraid you will make a scene because even if you walked out quietly, you were still making a big enough deal of this to let it keep you from being there or going in the future. That in itself is a bit of an over reaction. But I can tell you I would be reacting quite a bit AT HOME if my man told me not to come to a show so as not to offend the women who are flirting with him. EXCUSE ME?

No, people should not act that way toward the KJ. But in a bar environment with drunks there is going to be some of it. Maybe your husband just needs some pointers on how to handle these situations without inflaming them--not that it's easy but some seem to have the knack for it while others are totally lost. On the other hand, now that we have our own karaoke business, if these women were to put money in the tip jar afterwards, I might be saying, "Keep smiling, honey!"


(But seriously--why is this becoming an ongoing drama? Timberlea may have a point about the stalking.)

I have to agree with leopard lizard on this one. Maybe it is just the aggressive ex-marine in me, but I don't tollerate anything I don't want to, period. I don't care who's feelings get hurt, especially some drunk chick. I have had this happen to me, not because I am married, but just don't wan't any women rubbing up on me, unless I want them too. I get flirted with every show too. I get the women saying how tasty I am, or this and that. I just smile and give no response. Especially if my woman was there, I would have put an end to it instantly.

I run my show friendly but firm. I take nothing from nobody, and my regulars not only still love me, they seem to love me more when I have to regulate an out of hand customer.

Felix the KJ

I disagree with most posters here. You should respond!
Not responding gives the impression that you were not bothered by it.
The best response to the email would be a respectful acceptance of her apology,and as Jamkaraoke said: an added " I will open a can of whoop#@%& on you if I find out it ever happeneds again".

Intoxicated folks seem to allways do the wrong thing, usually unintentional.
This would show her that you are the more mature in that you can accept the fact that another woman would want your man, at the same time reminding her that she he is un-available.
If you accept her apology, it should end it there because it sounds like she is ashamed of her actions and wants to end it also.

Yeah again I disagree. 90% chance that is just going to fuel the fire & she will do it again or be worse next time if she is really trying to get your goat. Ignore & laugh it off, if your hubby is true, he isn't going to do anything more than the 'act' of a host - 99 out of 100 times the host is just acting anyway with the bar gals - it's a show, you have to make people want to come back!

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I completely agree with leopard lizard and felix on this. Conducting yourself as a kj professionally, as well as a married person, is necessary to protect yourself and your loved ones from the lines that can become blurry by the inebriated scaryoke customers.

Carrying yourself as a person with boundaries and not allowing strangers to get too physically close (in order to provide "better" service) may be whoring yourself out in some peoples' eyes. I say if you NEED more attention then get it at home, not from the skanks that can ruin your reputation and possibly your marriage through lies and unwarranted advances. Set boundaries for yourself and protect them like you protect your singer rotation.

Wife of a kj; i believe your husband is completely responsible for this negativity you feel. If he didn't feel it necessary to allow women to get close to him and had good confidence on his professional approach to karaoke, then he would be protecting you. If you ever have any outside marital problems, then the door is open to these women who may be there to console him. It will also give him false confidence into thinking they actually care for him and he could, over time, place some of his emotional security into them. Watch out. I've seen too many marriages ruined over a little "fun" and it only takes one slip up. Your husband needs to set boundaries in my opinion.

Being a kj doesn't require you getting too physically close to someone else. Personal space is just that- personal. Polite hugs and thank you's are a great social tool, but letting someone grope you publicly or pinch your privates is a false indicator to everyone that the kj may be open for "other things" that can ruin your marriage. Good luck.

Personally your husband should have done something to break up the rubbing action. I had a gal do that to me at my show in Portland, and I turned and picked up a song book and held it down over my crotch. The audience roared with laughter, and the gal smiled and moved onto another poor sap.

Not saying your hubby was wrong. It's hard to stop unwanted behavior AND still be the life of the show and not offend anyone. Like what was said earlier, if a MAN did that to a woman, he'd be a party for an arrest. Technically so could this skank. BUT any cop would roll his eyes at the request, and it would be a killer to the show!

You have to learn to deal with these things, unfortunately. Like Lonnie said, if you both are in sync with each other, you know who you're going home with.

I am sorry you feel you shouldn't go to your hubby's shows. If anything, I'd go even MORE. I'd WANT your presense there and your husband should continue to try to make advances in the areas where his bod isn't up for grabs.

Take care,

Matt

I'm going to have to agree with Matt on this one. Even though your hubby did not invite her up there he encouraged her to continue by not putting a stop to it. If it had been me I would have stepped away and even stopped singing and would've told her to take her seat. Just because she comes in with 20 or so people it doesn't mean that she gets to do that kind of stuff.

Do you realize what would happen if some guy was to do that to a female.
In strip bars if you even touch one of the dancers you get tossed they don't care how much money you are spending.

He should have put an end to it before it started because it sounds like this has happened before and he did nothing about it and then to allow it to happen with you and your daughter sitting in the crowd

I think that if it would have been my wife and I did not put and end to it immediately I would have sleeping on the couch and the gal would have large black eyes.

DO NOT ALLOW these women to scare you off and stay away from your hubby's gigs and if he continues to allow them to rub all over him then you and he need to have a long talk about HIS actions allowing them to happen.

Lone Wolf

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JReynolds, Lonman, Knightshow and Lonre Wolf are "right on". And your description of him singing to you while she was grinding him is grotesque

The aggressive behavior of women towards the host is not something one is use to handling. Personally, I believe your man just didn't know how to react. Unless you have a plan in place, this sort of thing can really throw you for a loop.

For me, I would have made big joke about it. Making funny faces, quivering my voice while singing, etc. This satisfies everyone... the slutty girl's crave for attention, the crowd gets a good laugh, and everybody realizes nothing "REAL" is going on... especially the girl. If she keeps coming back, then I take her aside, put my arm around her and explain, "Babe, that was funny for one song, but lets not over do it till its not funny anymore ok? Lets keep our hands of the singers ok?"

Sometimes I get an understanding smile back, and other times.... um,... not so much. But I know that if the girl is getting aggressive with every man (or woman for that matter) that goes up there its a problem and needs to be nipped in the bud.

The best thing to do in the future is discuss this, and come up with a plan of action or what you're going to do when it happens.

One time this happened when my wife was there, and she came up and started "grinding me" more aggressively than the chick who was there. Once again... goofy smiles and eye rolls. Big laughter from the crowd, and at the end I announced, "Alright folks, that's the end of the karaoke show for tonight. My wife and I have some business at home we need to attend to"... big laugh from the crowd.

And the chick who was left out, didn't return and even came up at the end of the night and gave us both big hugs.

The key is to keep your cool, and don't get too dramatic. Almost all of these types of situations can be played off and made fun. Its how you react that will determine which way that goes. The best advice I can give is to keep it positive, and everything will work out for the best!

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