Karaoke Forums

The LAST thing I would be doing is staying away from the show!
And you definitely should not have left the first show because of her. That makes it appear that you are meek and weak and that your hubby is up for grabs.
It also DOES create a scene, even if you "discreetly" left, no matter what you think.
I, too, agree with the others that said your hubby carries a big part of the responsibility for what happened.
He needs to set boundaries and KEEP them.
It is NOT appropriate behaviour and he carries the responsibility of setting the ground rules. Should he fail to do so, I would be re-evaluating my relationship.
And if my hubby was to tell me that he wanted me to stay home, so SHE could go, I certainly would be second guessing his motivation and he would most likely be out on his ear. NO WAY would I EVER accept that! I would also be second guessing her motivation for traveling so far out of her way to a family show. I would definitely go to the show, and should she be paying a little too much attention to my hubby, I would definitely have words with him AND her, regardless of what hubby wants or thinks.
You need to "mark your territory" so to speak and be very clear about it, because apparently your hubby isn't.
Another way your hubby could have handled it was to simply step away from her every time she tried to get near. Why he didn't is beyond me.
That course of action is a clear message without being offensive.
I recently had a woman at my show who appeared to be strung out on "E". She was going nuts grinding on EVERY singer, male and female. I had to lead her away just about every song. When she tried to grind on me, I immediately grabbed a chair and put it between her and I and made like a lion tamer, all the while still singing (BTW - I'm a woman). I got tons of laughs and it was made very clear to her to keep away, even though she didn't. I even approached the staff about her, but they were inexperienced newbies and just didn't quite know what to do with her. Personally had it been me working the bar, I would have warned her once then tossed her azz out had she continued, because she was seriously ticking off my singers.
My point is, I made it IMMEDIATELY clear that the extra "attention" wasn't wanted.

I had a girl at my gig just like the one Diafel had. A stripper was going around the room grinding on every guy, myself included. Married guys included also. Every woman in the bar was mad as hell. Made for a bomb waiting to explode. Even though this girl was sexy as all hell, and I have no doubt I could have taken her home, as she was spending a significant amount of time on me. I kicked her rump out, just so all the women regulars would be un-angry. I was a super hero. Everybody cheered, even the guys who were getting grinded on.

Felix the KJ

I'd take this as a learning experience. I don't believe for a minute that when a KJ sets boundaries with their customers that they will lose customers over it. He needs to learn how to handle these situations. He has ever right to tell a patron he is uncomfortable with their actions. All he has to say is I'm married and this is making me feel uncomfortable. That he doesn't mind her dancing on the stage, but please don't use me as your prop.

I have had stalker problems in the past. You have to be careful not to give out the wrong signals. Setting boundaries is a must or these uncomfortable situations will happen more often. If people see he allows it with one person they'll think they can all do it.

I set boundaries with my clientel and have never lost business because of this. I actually had a woman who would want to use me as a stripper pole grabbing my boobs all the time. Everyone would laugh so she thought it was good times. I had to pull her aside and explain I'm uncomfortable with it.

I would go to his shows more often, not less. If she is there be friendly. Keep your enemies close. If people see you are happily married they won't think he's fair game. But I believe it is his responsibilty not to let these situations continue. It's hard as a KJ to know how to handle every situation. I'm sure he was caught off guard and just didn't want to come off as a party pooper, but there is a line he needs to draw.

I'd personally would respond to the email. I'd make her a friend not an enemy. Your husband didn't let her know it wasn't okay, so she probably thought it was okay. Even though she was way out of line. Now she knows ! So let it go, so you can go to shows when she is there and there isn't a problem.

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I keep thinking my reply was a bit harsher than I meant it to sound. I still firmly believe it is the husband's place to put an end to the shenanigans and it only makes the woman look b-like or insecure if she makes a big reaction at the club. Plus leaving or not coming back gives this female way too much power over you. But to give your husband the benefit of the doubt, some men get taken by surprise and don't have a clue as to what to do--especially when they are in make everyone happy KJ mode. It just goes against their instincts to be rude to someone. So I'm glad the Koyote and others gave advice on how they handle these things as it should be something that should be worked out at HOME and then a plan in place should it happen again. I'm still a bit miffed that he asked YOU to stay home, however. He needs to understand how this made you feel and get his priorities in order.

Hi. First of all, I'm not a kj, but have a similar incident to add to the mix here.

I'm not sure that everyone would agree with this, but I'm going to say it anyway.
It sounds like your husband was totally unprepared for that situation. The situation being your showing up on a whim at his show. Maybe the whole thing (the drunk girl) was just a fluke? Only happens occasionally....or alot?
Either way, stuff like that will happen eventually to everyone in a bar where people are there to drink and are trying to have fun.

I got hooked singing karaoke while away from home on my job. I knew that eventually, I would have to reveal this unknown (to my wife) side of myself. But why? Things would only get complicated.
Finally, I did reveal this little secret to my wife and it seemed that my marriage had hit rock bottom afterwards.
I would only leave home for an overnight trip....back home the next night, then a day off before leaving again. But everytime I was gone, phone conversations turned into arguments. Then, while at home, things were tense. We grew farther apart each day. It was ridiculous! The ridiculous thing is that I wasn't being trusted!
Sure, some would comment.....you must've given her reason through past experience to not put much trust in you?
I can say yes to that, but no to any physical contact in the previous matters. I don't care what anyone says....most guys will cheat if given the space and opportunity. But it doesn't necessarily mean that the man in question was inviting it.
Karaoke invites it! Hanging around in bars invites it! Being a fair looker who's the producer of a show or singing a song invites it!

My wife was just following her "women's intuition", which made her appear to be insecure, but I'll be d*mned if she doesn't have some kind of telepathy thing going on between us! You see, women know what their man is doing 24/7 whether the man cares to admit it or not!
But blaming someone for being who they are and trying to stifle it should be a crime in itself. And any attempt to do so will cause more harm and just make the male ego angry and resentful.
So all through this very rocky relationship of ours, (after 26 years) I continued to sing karaoke away from home. All the while, trying to proclaim my innocence, and that nobody ever approaches me (women). I've always had a bit of social anxiety....but this was helping me to overcome my own insecurities. And things never got any better.

So one night, I decide to take my wife to a local joint so she could watch me sing karaoke. We sat with her sister and a friend....having some drinks, though my wife has never been a bar person and barely drinks at all, she was becoming intoxicated.
I get up to sing. I sang to her "Amazed" by Lonestar. (though I'm not really into all country music) All was fine.
My next song up, a rock song, some drunk barfly gets up right in my face dancing while I sang, even though I tried to move, it seemed she was relentless.

My GAWD! I never heard the end of it! I know my wife was getting kind of drunk, but when we left, she was yelling obscenities at everyone! Especially the barfly lady! I almost had to carry her to the car! It was a little embarrassing, but nobody really knew us there, so whatever I guess?
She's very territorial, but mainly because she doesn't want someone to take what's hers? What she has worked for all those years to hold together? But at the same time, working on tearing it apart? I'm confused.

We are still together, but things just don't seem the same. Or maybe they are the same, but just worse?

Long point short.....karaoke and bars in general can ruin relationships if the ones involved aren't mature enough to see the bigger picture.
I hope you all can see the bigger picture and let a few things slide.

To this day, karaoke is a crime for me, so I don't go anywhere anymore. I just get away with what I can here at KS.....for whatever this is worth?
Hope y'all work it out Mrs. KJ.

And there's the difference in your situation from the OP's right there.
YOU tried to move away. It appears that the OP's husband did not, and even sided with the barfly, asking his wife not to attend the next show. You did everything right. It was your wife who had the problem. This is a completely different situation from the OP's.
You can't blame karaoke or even bars or drinking for the cheating that often goes on.
It is the PEOPLE, themselves who are to blame.
I have NO DOUBT that my hubby would NEVER cheat on me. And I will never cheat on him, no matter how drunk I get.
Why do I have such faith?
Because I have seen him set his boundaries immediately in just those kinds of situations.
Because he would never dream of not asking me to come to one of his shows in favour of some skanky barfly.
Because he respects me enough to have these boundaries in place and ENFORCE them.
It's all about setting boundaries and keeping them in place. Had her husband set the boundary in the first place, this regular skanky barfly would not have done what she did. Unless of course, that there's more to it than meets the eye.

Yeah, I think my words are getting kind of irritating really.

Why do I have such faith?
Because I have seen him set his boundaries immediately in just those kinds of situations.

Exactly ma'am! You have seen him.

If you could honestly have trust if you've never been to one of his shows, I'd admit to have married the wrong woman and would ask for your hand.

Though, this is all about kjs......not just run of the mill bar people. Or people like myself with obvious marriage problems to begin with.

Thank you all, you have all given great support to my question and some wonderful advice. Jreynolds you have hit upon the underlying problem with this situation.

My husband actually quit being a K.J. about 6 years ago because of a "stalker". This situation is like de jivue. He actually had a young woman travel from state to state when he was doing this before. Where ever he was she would show up, even if he made a point of not letting her know he had a show anywhere. It got really bad when I had to spend a couple of months in Atlanta working and he stayed home to work. This girl started showing up everywhere including at my house. I had a really good friend who was working at one of the clubs my husband worked in. She let me know that this girl was becoming a problem but there was nothing I could do about it being so far from home. The day I got back home my husband and I went out to eat at one of the clubs he was playing and this girl showed up and sat down with us. I asked her what the hell she thought she was doing, her response was she wanted to sing with my husband that night. I told her I didn't think so because we were leaving. And we did, we went to another club and enjoyed the rest of our night.

This didn't stop her, she knew that the girl at the club was like a daughter to me and wrote a long letter to me and sent it with the girl to me at work. This after she began calling me at work. When I opened that letter I was more pissed off than I have ever been. This one laid out her plans to me for taking my husband away from me. I had tried to tell my husband I didn't not feel comfortable with this girl but he thought she was just a follower. Her letter to me really upset our marriage because she attempted to convince me they had an intimate relationship. I actually left him over this one. It took us a while to repair the damage she caused.

I have been through this before. If it weren't for the fact that we really need the income from this there is no way in hell I would stick around for this again. But, you are correct both times it has been because he WILL NOT set boundaries. The first one was scarey this one is just pissing me off! I don't sing at all, I can't carry a tune and I hate for him to sing duets with women because I am afraid that the intimacy singers share in a song will somehow make one of these very good singers attractive to him. He is very passionate about his music and I see the looks that pass between him and another woman when their voices blend in perfect harmony. Both of these women have begun their attractions toward him from singing duets with him. I have begged him not to do duets but he refuses. He says when a good singer wants to sing with him it does not matter if they are male or female he is going to sing with them.

I know that I have issues stemming from past experiences but my instincts about the first woman turned out to be correct and I don't think I am wrong about this one either. Those of you who said he is to blame are 100% correct. He is! And I believe that it is his responsibility to draw the line in no uncertain terms from here on out.

Thanks again everyone. I am going to his show tomorrow night and everyone after that here in town, I intend to make sure they know he is married and I WILL approach the next one who shows poor manners if he doesn't. I have a feeling it will only take me saying something one time to one person to make sure he carries the message loud and clear from then on. Wish me luck, tomorrow might just be the night "little miss brass ovaries" (I love that term, ) meets her match!

And I thought those movies on "Lifetime" were all fantasy!

Chris Rock did say it best "A man is only faithfull as his options"


And now back to Lifetime.

I don't think it's the duets but the attitudes of the people involved. I think this may have gotten beyond what I am qualified to comment on. But let's say it was just a normal karaoke situation and no one was using anything about it to throw things in people's faces or make them jealous:

1. My boyfriend is a good singer and sings duets with other women all the time. My only problem with it is that I was not that fond of "Summer Nights" even 10,000 listens ago. So I have actually bought him and his singing partners copies of discs so they would learn something new. I wouldn't be doing this if they were making goo goo eyes at each other when they sing, however, but they generally don't go past what is necessary to the performance.

2. I couldn't sing well either. But I loved to fast dance and would get out on the floor with some of the men or even women. Again, not in your face type of stuff or dirty dancing unless it was a joke but just having fun. If you have your own thing, you look more secure.

3. I started singing songs that I could do with just a few notes or as comedy routines. I still don't do duets but my boyfriend and I don't even like each other's styles of music so I don't feel left out. I started getting better with practice and even though not a serious singer, I try to convey enjoyment and actually have acquired some tone deaf fans. It won't happen overnihgt but if you do have an inclination to try singing and can practice at home, I gaurantee you there is nothing like that look of surprise on the significant other's face when you get wild applause for being a bad singer. If you think it would be too embarrassing, don't force it but there are a lot of people out there who tried it once just as a test of courage and built up their confidence from there.

4. Good luck on your night out. And if that female and your husband do any kind of flirting while HIS little son sits in the audience then it's time to get off the forum and head to the professionals.

No offense, but a pretty obscure topic. This seems very obvious to me and if you dont see the forest through the trees then perhaps its time to get some glasses. Marital and relationship advice are hard to take too seriously on a karaoke site. Just my 2 cents.

I think you're WAY off base here, jr.

she's been thrust into an uncertain situation and is asking advice from those others that possibly have been there too.

Nothng obscure about it, and your disdain is uncalled for. Nobody else said anything negative.

Guess there always has to be a first, huh??

Thx for the kind words Knightshow I'll take them under advisement. I'm entitled to my opinion just like anyone else. Even though karaoke is part of the OP topic I think most see the underlying issue here. If my wife/girlfriend had an issue with me in regards to infidelity, honesty, etc I would hope she would come to me and not on this forum. Just because its karaoke related doesnt mean its to be pasted all over the internet. I didnt say I was offended by it I just think perhaps it something that should be kept amongst spouses/partners.

Just for the record there are many things posted here that I dont particularly agree with but I dont try to publically scold and attack the person typing them.

I see it both ways--I think that being a karaoke host/hostess puts a person in a position of being approached in inappropriate ways. A significant other can also have a problem with the duet singing or people falling into fantasy infatuation with someone based on their delivery of a song. These are all legitimate things to discuss on the forum as far as people's experiences in how to handle them.

But I think JR has a point in that it became apparent there is a more serious problem in this particular situation that won't be solved by a forum.

Problem is, she DID approach her husband about it and didn't get anywhere. She came on here looking for helpful advice, which I believe she got. Karaoke people ARE a different animal and coming here, where posters understand such animals, was a good move, IMHO. I would think that the OP understands that should the issue continue, then professional advice needs to be sought, if it doesn't already. Perhaps she is trying to solve it on her own before paying the big bucks to a "professional". Sorry, but I personally don't hold much esteem for so-called "marriage counselors". Just my opinion. It's always good to get others' opinions in order to gauge how far on or off the track you are and I think this was not an inappropriate post.

I respect your opinion Diafel but will simply disagree. While this forum is very helpful with karaoke related issues it certainly is not a foray to discuss intimate and private matters relating to a marriage or relationship. I know the OP's concern stems from a karaoke related incident, but you don't have to be Dr. Phil to see whats going on here.

I actually think her post became informative for KJs. KJs should draw a line and be aware of possible stalkers married or not. Her original question was to find out what most KJs do in a certain situations and from that came informative responses and consequences. We talked about setting boundaries, stalkers etc... Important issues in my mind.

Dealing with stalkers is a life disrupting experience for your entire family and I'm glad there was some sort of discussion about it. I'd hate for anyone to go through what we did. 3 yrs of pure hell for me ! Hopefully from our advice she will put her foot down somewhere before she has to deal with a possible worst situation. She didn't know if this is a common thing for KJs to let happen because she isn't one. From there she can make her own personal decissions with her husband on how to handle it.

Spotlightjr I agree we don't want the discussion forum to be a Dr. Phil Show. But I do like what came out in this post.

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[updown]~*~ MONKEY BUSINESS KARAOKE~*~ [/shadow][/updown][/glow]

absolutely! I felt it was totally appropriate. She mentioned the problems with going to her husbands show, she openly questioned what we'd do under similar situations.

This has nothing to do with a Dr. Phill kind of analysis. She asked what we'd do in her situation, not what she should be feeling. I'm not going to go back and reread the whole thread, but I don't think anyone mentioned what she SHOULD be feeling, only what they'd do in similar situations and what would be a course of action.

This IS a true nature of karaoke. My ex had horrible issues with some of the flirty gals, where my wife when she was my girlfriend was very comfortable with her relationship to me, and those around me. With the sole exception of one gal that went out of her way to rub her nose in it, or rather her buttsky across me (the incident I mentioned is where the songbook came into play). And there were many regs that chastised the gal during the incident and afterwards. She laughed and said she was just trying to have some fun, but most agreed it was in poor taste.
I agree that your opinion is certainly yours and you're entitled to it. One single post and a thread doesn't mean it's "pasted all over the internet', nor did I say if you were offended by anything on here. I also didn't scold you or attack you. I said you were the first person to say something negative. Hardly scolding. You really took one post of mine and try to make it seem as if I'm starting a flame war. Hardly!

You have your say that the topic isn't relevant to this site. We simply disagree.