Karaoke Forums

I have been a karaoke host/KJ for 6 years. My girlfriend of 3 years hates it.

She told me last night either karaoke goes, or she goes. She does not like the late night hours and is insecure about the social aspect.

She says that 33 year olds do not work until 2am. I would agree if we were married and/or had kids, but we don't. My philosophy is to work as hard as I can before wife/kids to make that part of life that much easier.

If it were JUST a job, I would probably quit. BUT, it is something I really love. Also, my girlfriend works part-time and goes to school, and has two years of school left. We live together, and I pay 90% of the bills. With karaoke representing 20% of my overall income, it is also REALLY hard to justify giving up until she is working full time and contributing more. The numbers just don't add up!!

So my questions are:

1) What would you do in my situation? I feel disrepected and unappreciated. I work 60+ hours a week to help support her through school and she wants me to kill the goose that lays the golden egg. $35.00/hr. part time jobs are hard to come by! Plus, I really enjoy doing it (most nights).

2) Does your karaoke job affect your relationship/cause fights, etc, and how do you manage it?

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C Mc
KJ, FL

First, I'm 33, married and do have kids and I do this line of work. My wife for the most part loves it. She loves that it gives her an opportunity to sing, loves partying with the friends we make at gigs, and we have a good time with it.

I'll answer your questions in the reverse order. It has affected our relationship, but mostly for the better. It gives us another thing that we do together, gets us out of the house for a few hours and provides another source of income meaning less arguing about finances. Granted there have been moments where it has caused some grief but overall it's been positive.

Regarding the first question, that is a question you have to answer for yourself. But here are some things to consider. How close are you guys, and what does she mean to you? If this is something you really love, what's going to happen if she forces you to live without it? Are you going to blame her and resent her for it (most likely yes)? Is it something you can give up for a while and then come back to (make sure that is the expectation before you give it up)?

The key here for you is going to be honesty. You have to tell her upfront what it means to you. If she gives you the "is it more important than me" speach, tell her no but that at the same time you just as it wouldn't be fair for someone to ask you to give her up, it's not fair of her to ask you to give it up and give you an ultimatum like that. Before you go into this conversation though you really have to know in your own mind, if it really does come down to chposing one or the other, which are you going to choose. There are many fish in the sea (depending on how close you two are) but it's pretty detrimental being forced to give up something you love.

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DJ Tony
Let It Rip Karaoke

Topher, I feel for you bud. I have gone through almost the same thing. I have been hosting karaoke for 6 years as well, plus 4 more of helping a fellow KJ out, plus singing too. My wife of 27 years actually does go with me to my shows about half the time. But, I honestly feel the only 2 reasons she goes is, 1) to visit with her "bar friends", and 2) to keep tabs on me. Now, yes, she does sing, but she couldn't care less if she did or not. Neither of us drink at all, so it's also not a situation of wanting to party. The friends she has made over the years, are like her little army of people to make sure I don't get into trouble. I believe that our jobs as hosts is to make people feel welcome and accepted. So there are lots of times when hugs are part of what we do. And also there is the dancing too, when one of our customers wants to dance. So both of us oblige. Staying out til 2 or 3 or even later is part of what we do. Either they accept that, or they don't. I also have kids, but they are all older now and can manage life at home without us there all the time. So, what I am trying to say is,,, "yes", karaoke has affected my relationship with my wife, in a negative way. I am not saying the problems we have are due to karaoke only, but they have contributed.

As far as advice? I really can't tell you much, except to say this, "what do YOU feel is the right decision?" I know what mine has been, and that is; if my marriage/relationship can't withstand some trials and adversity, then it's really not worth staying in that relationship. Yeah, even after 27 years of marriage, it's always a growing process with our significant other. It never ends, and there is no magic point in time where smooth sailing happens.

We are ALL our own "person", and to let someone else dictate what/who we should be is not goof for our own well being. Good luck, it's a tough situation for sure.

35, married with one 4 year old.

9a-6p day job mon-fri

karaoke 10p-2a Tues, Thurs, Fri, Sat

Wife in college + part time work until recently, though hopefully starting a new job next month.

We don't argue about the karaoke but it's definitely not a good thing as when I am actually home I'm generally tired, also she is then out at work too. We have increasing student loans but are paying down credit card debt and the karaoke is bringing in the money to do that, again only about 15% of the income but necessary.

I don't know how much relationship strife can be attributed to karaoke, day job, or whatever. Karaoke keeps me sane for the most part.

Not an answer exactly but there you go.


Jonn

I was in a similar situation a while ago with my girlfriend. I used to run Karaoke shows 7 nights a week, she has a day job. The only difference is, despite her insecurity about me being out every night, she trusted me and still does to this day.

The fact that she had a hard time with me working late nights and the fact that we hardly had time together made me reorganize my life. I got a day job and am currently only working my Friday & Saturday show. A long time friend of mine is using my equipment and runs the rest of my shows for me.

I want to say again, even though she really didn't like me being out every night, she never gave me a hard time about it, understanding that it was my full time job and only income and also understanding the fun factor I have with Karaoke.

So considering that, and the situation your in (supporting the both of you pretty much) she really should have a little more trust in you and understanding about the financial part.

You should have a talk with her, trying to explain the financial aspect and also explaining to her that trust is a major milestone for a relationship. And if she in despite of your efforts has no trust... I don't know. It's hard to give you advice.

In a relationship you should be able to overcome problems that causes friction. And usually you do that by talking and compromising.

The thing that comes to my mind is the secret of the four C's. Read more here:
http://www.helium.com/items/663339-tips ... lationship

Billy Joel song.... "I Love You Just The Way You Are" She obviously doesn't LOVE YOU just the way you are and wants to change you. She doesn't seem to be in such a great position to be giiving ultimatums to the person who is paying 90% of the expenses. I'd call her bluff and tell her to stop being so insecure about you being in a social situation until 2 AM. Give her an ultimatum instead. Tell her to learn how to deal with it(TRUST) or take a hike and start paying her own way in life.

42 hosting (well working in karaoke) since I was 21. Married 15 years, 2 kids 10/13. Wife sometimes loves that I am gone late, sometimes she hates it.
But to have an ultimatum on the table saying it's that or me, that's a no brainer IMO, there are other girls!

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LIKE Lonman on Facebook - Lonman Productions Karaoke & my main site via my profile!

Tell that to cops, paramedics, fire fighters, nurses, cabbies, and so on and so on and so on. Sorry she's full of you know what.

I learned a long time ago if someone makes you an ulitmatum like that, totell them not to let the door hit them on the way out.

In the words of Popeye "I yam whats I yam". You don't like it, too darn bad.

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You can be strange but not a stranger

First off, I'm well over 33, into my 40's and I work until 2 am, and often past then. The same goes for my hubby. So, yes, people DO work late, just like Timber said. You might want to remind her of that next time she needs the police, an ambulance, or is admitted to hospital.
When I met my hubby, he was a musician/sound tech and worked very late. He is also a workaholic. I knew that going in and I know it now. I love him for ALL that he is, good and bad. My take on it was that I wanted him for what he is, not what I want to change him into. If he's not already what I want, what am I doing with him?
The ONLY thing I asked was that he set aside one day a week (or the majority of a day) for family time when our daughter was born (she's now 6). He agreed and because Sunday works best for us, that's our day. Other than that, when work calls, off he goes, and I'm perfectly OK with that. I know where the food on our table comes from and I'm acutely aware of what pays the bills.
As for being given an ultimatum like that, I would not hesitate to tell him, "here's your hat & coat.What's your hurry?".
It's not that karaoke is more important to me than him, because it most definitely is not, but it's that he would have the disrespect for me and the audacity to even lay down an ultimatum to me. Anyone that would do that to me doesn't deserve the time of day from me, especially considering that's it's something I love to do. Also, it gives me a pretty good gauge of the trust level he obviously would have for me. If the trust isn't there, you have nothing.
The other thing that comes to mind is that today it's karaoke, but what will it be tomorrow? How much do you want her to control you?
If you give in, I can only see more of the same for the future.
I would NEVER even think to lay down an ultimatum to my partner. If your partner is so insecure that they can't handle it, I would suggest she get some intensive counseling to deal with her insecurities and obvious feelings of mistrust.
Like others have said, you are paying 90% of the bills and supporting her and she wants to cut your income short. That's just insane.
So to answer your questions directly:

I would tell my partner to hit the road, love or not. It's simply not something I can tolerate, no matter how much I love them. I love my self respect more.

Absolutely not. Since hubby is the one that actually got me started in this business, and it pays a good portion of our bills, I highly doubt he would ever have issues with it.

Say you ditch your Karaoke JOB over her. $20 says that within six months she will find something ELSE to be insecure about.

It's not the Karaoke that is the problem here...

I'm 45 yrs old with a full time job and karaoke host 3 nights a week.

We do like Diafel's family. Sunday is our day to spend together. Does she want more time with you? Compromise by setting aside a special day or night just with her once a week.

If she is insecure about you being out without her that is a separate issue you need to address. The ultimatum part is a control move. If she doesn't trust you maybe she should leave.

You may want to question if you want to be with someone that doesn't support you in what you love. I don't like the fact my fiancee is a sports fanatic, but I'd never tell him he has to give it up because I know it is a part of who he is and how much he enjoys it. She is being controlling and selfish. This seems more like a relationship problem then a karaoke problem.

If my fiancee told me to pick one or the other. I'd tell him I'm not making the choice he can. I'm not quitting my business because that is part of who I am and if he can't except me for who I am he can make the choice to leave.

Good luck

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[shadow=pink][glow=deepskyblue]. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
[updown]~*~ MONKEY BUSINESS KARAOKE~*~ [/shadow][/updown][/glow]

Yep!

My girlfriend asked me what I thought about her working 7 days a week for several months each year, as a seasonal bartender during horse races (in addition to her regular job.) I said, well, we can do more things we enjoy and more easily meet our financial goals with the extra money; and it happens that my busy time of the year coincides with hers anyway. Even if I disagreed with her, I wouldn't issue an ultimatum. I sure wish it was 6 days a week instead of 7, though; but at least it's only a few months each year.

She recently asked if I was thinking about going on tour with a band I work with. I said no, the band will get to that point eventually, and when they do I will help them find someone good; but I have no desire to tour with a band. But if I did want to do it, she wouldn't freak out about it.

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Jeff Wheeler, moonlight DJ/KJ

She' sounds WHINEY, INSECURE, CONTROLLING!!

DUMP HER NOW.

She needs to understand that a SUCCESSFUL COUPLE does not do EVERY SINGLE THING IN LIFE TOGETHER. One has thier own thing, the other has thier own thing and sometimes they do not mix. One does not drag the other to the things that the other has no interest in. You do not have to do EVERYTHING TOGETHER.

And making unreasonable demands and issuing ultimatums is SIMPLY REDICULOUS AND WILL GET HER NOWHERE.

Take heed: If she's giving this kind of CONTROLLING DEMAND NOW, if you stick with her then she will give the same kind of CONTROLLING DEMANDS for the rest of the time you are with her.

And this is from a 10 yr hosting vet, married 30 yrs, age 51.

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"You know that I sing the Blues and I do not suffer fools. When I'm on that silver mic, it's gonna cut ya, just like a knife"-The SWINGCAT

WHAT??

This has nothing to do with Karaoke. It is her insecurities and/or her not trusting you. No relationship can be built on distrust. IMHO...dump her, if it ain't karaoke it will be something else.

If it weren't for karaoke I probably never would have got married, it's where I met my wife, but even with that being so...

The wife killed what I thought was a dream clientele situation I was building up with a local women's roller derby team by doing their annual banquet, but she was just too jealous for me to continue playing that gig. I really resented that she did that, but what's a married man gonna do?

My advice... if you really deeply care for this girl, go see a counselor together and maybe something can be worked out. If it's not worth it for both of you to go through that, then dump her. You won't be happy if she wants to dictate everything you do for the rest of your life, but some of her concerns are understandable - a man on a microphone has power and power attracts women.

Have you ever given her any reason not to trust you when you work at night? I always say anything you can do at night, you can do during the day. If you haven't given her any cause to worry, then she is very insecure.

My husband and I met because of Karaoke. I worked for a company as a part-time KJ/DJ. He had his own business. We first became acquainted with each other on JOLT, and eventually met when the bar I worked at closed and I was looking for work, so I went to see him.

The rest, they say, is history. Really wonderful history.

Does your girlfriend ever go to the bar with you? To take the mystery out of it?

Birdofsong


Birdofsong

I won't pretend to be a shrink in regard to your relationship. However, MY answer to her ultimatum:

Until you can pay 50% of the bills, it becomes MY responsibility in this relationship to make expenses, and I will do so to the best of my abilities FOR YOU. Karaoke makes up 20% of my available income to do so. Unless YOU can provide alternative income, then I must continue to host.

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"No Contests, No Divas, Just A Good Time!"

" Disc based and loving it..."

A couple of years ago, my wife of 15 years gave me the same ultimatum......to this day, I hardly miss her.......

My wife of 33 years wouldn't think of demanding something like that from me. She's even stated as much, saying that she knows my response would be: "I'll help you pack."

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Dave's not here.

Sadly some people, not just women, are insecure and there is nothing that can be done.
Understand though. As bad as they make you feel.
They feel ten times worse.
I was married to one. Every concession I gave her she wanted more.
She had to know beyond any doubt that she was number one.
She was well aware of her behaviour.
The irony is...
She is a senior sister working for the NHS in mental health.
She is very good at her job. Lousy with husbands.